I Remain

I was born unto you, full of trust and innocence.
Never asking for it to be so.
You left me, the first chance you got.
Never looking back to make sure I was safe.   I remained.

I looked into your eyes and knew that you were trustworthy.

Humbled by your genuineness, I fell into your arms, looking for a soft place to land. 

You caught me and loved me. . . .I felt special and seen.

You were too good for this Earth and you moved on.

Leaving me behind.  I remained. 

She married you to replace him,
In her life and in mine.
You betrayed my trust and stole my innocence.
Never telling the truth about your crime, makes it more painful for me to bare.  I remain.

I ran away from you and from him,
Searching for some place safe.  Secure.  Whole.
The rogue child, in need of discipline was pulled back.  Restrained.  Confined.  Punished.
Never listened to, never believed, never allowed to be a child.  I remained.

I married him to escape you both.
To pretend that he loved me, to pretend I was normal.
He beat me unmercifully and I let him.
Never thinking that I deserved anything better.  I remained.

I went back to them both, time and again.
Swallowing my own pain, allowing it to eat me alive,
In order to be present in your lives, wanting you to know love; more than I had known.
Never wanting to abandon you, I remained.

You grew up and away, as all children do.
I thought that you had finally figured out the truth,
Having it told to you, mouth to precious ear.  Ah. . .precious relief.
Only. . . wait; you still linger in a place of selfish disbelief.
Never freeing me from the confines of the invisible bars of lies, told too often to ignore.
I love you too much to force your hand.  I remain.

Now I'm an island.
Alone in my pain and pressure and isolation.
It's all been for naught.
I'm not seen.  I'm not believed.  I'm not cherished.  I'm not allowed to feel a thing.
And yet. . . . . .I remain.