Life in "Perfect": Some "Simply" Complicated Truths

Life in "Perfect": Some "Simply" Complicated Truths: There are a few things that I hold as "simple truths".  Now, I realize that my truth might not be your truth and I also recognize ...

Some "Simply" Complicated Truths

There are a few things that I hold as "simple truths".  Now, I realize that my truth might not be your truth and I also recognize that what's simple for one might be very complicated for another.  Stick with me and let's see where we land. . . . .

There is no reality; there is only perception. 

This can be best demonstrated by eye witness accounts of events. If 10 people witness and event, if 100 people, hell if a million people all witness the same event, if you interviewed each individual person would you get the same EXACT story twice? Absolutely not. Are they lying? Well, most certainly some of them might be. Some people just like to do that shit. You know who you are. Shame on you. Anyway, are they lying? Most of them are not. They are however victims of their own perceptions of the event. 

Your perception is easy to manipulate.

Just ask any marketing firm, advertising company, political party or media outlet and, if you can find an honest person, they'll tell you. You are constantly being manipulated to believe things, feel things, want things, dislike things, be fearful of things, hell, you're manipulated into downright HATING things. This is doubly bad when the manipulation comes from within and not without, as in from a family member, lover or close friend. 

Your ability to be manipulated is predictable. 

Depending on your IQ, your EQ and the totality of your life experiences, your "baseline" ability to be manipulated can be extrapolated. If you're a person that thinks that you're "the smartest person in the room", yet you have the emotional depth of a teaspoon of water in an Olympic sized swimming pool, you'll be easy to manipulate. However, you'll also be easy to manipulate if you're a super emotional, touchy feely person that has the intelligence of your average tree frog. Your "soft spots" will, of course be different from each other, but you will both be targeted often. Even people that are high in the IQ and EQ department with tons of applicable life experience can and do get manipulated. It's almost inevitable. As "pack creatures" we are very inner connected with our "pack mates".  Which brings me to the next "simply complicated truth". . . .

You're prejudiced against (or for) something. 

Yes you are. We all are. I'm sorry. I know that you don't like it. However, seeing as how we ARE "pack animals", we all just want to belong, be loved, be seen, be accepted, be safe and feel like we're actually part of the fucking pack. We look to our surroundings to find confirmation that we're behaving properly, doing the "right thing" or that we'll have support from our peers should we need it. Because of that, you're prejudice. In the truest sense of the word. You have a preconceived notion about something. That's how our brains work. Imagine all of the time it would take for us to have to evaluate every single individual thing that happened to us; like it was the FIRST time ANYTHING had ever happened to us? That would be a cluster fuck of monumental proportions. We are hard-wired to make snap decisions about things. For instance, if you're a woman reading this: Imagine that you're in a darkened parking garage, underground. It's late at night. The garage is nearly empty, but not quite. There are still a few cars here and there, scattered around. You start to head to your car, WAAAY in the back corner, because that was the only spot left when you got to the mall to get your cute ass shoes that were on sale. . .DON'T JUDGE BECKY! Anyway, you're walking to your car and notice that there's a van parked right next to your car. Then, when you're halfway to your car, you see a man start running towards you. Any man. He hasn't said one word. He hasn't approached you, directly. How do you feel? Now, everyone, tell me, is there a part of town that you wouldn't want your car to break down in? How about your daughter's car? How about your grandmother's car? That's a prejudice. You might also feel a strong affiliation with a political party or a certain organized religion; to the point where you feel that the people that don't feel like you are wrong, dumb, stupid, lost souls. That's a pre-judgement. Maybe there's a part of the world that you would "never go to". Why? Do you find that you tend to surround yourself with others that agree with you? Hmm . . . .interesting. 

Narcissists, pathological liars and "general shit stirrers" muddy the waters.

Make no mistake about it. We're all just these floating perceivers that are easy to manipulate with preconceived notions of the world, but when you throw in a good old narc or a compulsive liar or even just the ever present "shit stirrer" (could all be one person here. . .) things can go off of the rails quickly. See, there's no way to really KNOW if people are being honest with you or not, right? Sucks, but it's true. Is that story that your neighbor told you even true? Did your husband REALLY work late? Does your best friend really love your cheesecake? How will we ever know? The constant inner struggle to try to determine who and what to believe can make one feel insane! 

Even with all of this being true, there still IS right and wrong.

Yes, my perception is vastly different from yours. Yes, we're all too easily manipulated. Yes, we are, without fail, predictable creatures. And, yes, we all have our preconceived notions about things, other people, far off places and most things, both experienced and imagined. But, let's not forget, there are some fundamental things that are "simply" right and wrong, too. 

Apologies without behavioral changes is just more manipulation. 

Just saying "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it, people. Grow the fuck up. Fix your shit or keep your mouth shut. 

Causing another harm, be it physical or emotional pain, is unacceptable.

See, we've all "signed off" on a social contract that simply states, "I don't get to hurt you". When you violate that contract there are consequences. One doesn't get to play the victim, after stabbing someone else in the back. See this big fucking knife right here? Yeah, you did that! Just stop. 

Unfortunately, there is NO karma or real justice to be had. 

The sad, simple truth is, there is no karma; there is no real justice; there is no "big reward for being a good person", just like there's no "real fucking horrible punishment" for all those assholes. After it's all said and done, what I've seen is that, unfortunately, the "bad guy" usually wins. There's no justice for most victims. Even if your "perpetrator" goes away, goes to jail, or even dies, is that really justice? Does it give you back ANYTHING you lost? I've seen more assholes get away with shit than I care to think about. I've also seen more good people suffer than I can stomach. The universe/God/karma police don't actually hand out gold stars or demerits according to behavior. You do NOT "reap what you sow". You don't "get what you give". That's just stupid shit that we say to each other to try to make ourselves feel better in the moment. Deep down, you know it's true. 

In the end, just be a good fucking person.

I'm a strong woman. I'm a loving mother. I'm a caring sister. I was a kind daughter and a devoted wife. I'm an independent in my thinking and my political views. I'm a fierce friend. I'm an atheist.  I'm also a good fucking person. Let's all just aim for that, okay? But, please don't get stuck in thinking that "your way is the only way" or that "you're always right and everyone else is always wrong". Just be a good fucking person. 

Take a deep breath y'all, it's just another day in Perfect! 

Speaking From Experience

Here are the things you need to know about me before you read the rest of this:

I'm a woman.  A woman who has experienced gun violence perpetrated against me.  A woman that's been physically and sexually abused by men.  A woman that's held a gun in my own hands, debating on whether or not to end the life of one of my perpetrators.  A woman who has had five "spontaneous abortions" (the grotesque, but still utilized medical term for what we all call a 'miscarriage').  A woman that's had to struggle with infertility and being able to stay pregnant.  A woman that had to be on hormone injections, daily, to even stay pregnant.  A woman that had to face the very real possibility that I was going to have to have a late term abortion to remove one of my "so very hard fought for" fetuses from my body due to a genetic condition that would have killed my sweet baby mere moments after its birth.  I've also worked with and for the police department.  I've worked in the school system.  

So, when I say that I'm "speaking from experience", the above information is what I'm referring to.  

I've seen both sides of most of the "hot button" issues our country is facing.  I've been the victim and I've wanted to murder someone.  I've been the one that fought for my pregnancy and the one that lost children.  I've been protected by people with badges and guns, that allowed me to do my job safely and I've been scared to death, running "safety drills" inside of a school.  

I have family and friends that are or were police officers and I have family and friends that are or were teachers.  I'm friends with people that hunt and people that are vegan.  I was raised Southern Baptist but have grown to be an atheist.  I've read every single page of the Bible and our Constitution.  I've shook the hands of Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Pagans, Wiccans and others that didn't even have a name for what they felt was their "religion".  I've listened to Native American people tell their sacred stories, with rapt attention to every detail.  I've valued every one of these people, even though we were aren't the same in many ways. 

Here's what I can say, speaking from experience, we're far more alike than we are different though. Most people are doing the best that they can.  Most people want to love and to be loved.  Most people want to do no harm.  Most people just want to make it home safely at the end of the night to see their family, their friends, their pets.  Most people see the value of life.  The hardest part these days seems to be agreeing on what those things even mean. 

We can't even agree on whom we're "allowed to love"; whom we can call "our family"; what constitutes being "safe".  

Speaking from experience, I know that "it" isn't easy.  There is no "one size fits all" answer to "hot button" issues like gun control and abortion.  What I think that MOST people are truly sick of is hypocrisy.  I think most of us are tired of hearing how "my side is right and your side is wrong", even when BOTH SIDES are saying the EXACT SAME THING, just about different subjects!  But, what makes most of us angry is the fact that we seem to have just . . . . .given up.  Resigned ourselves to the notion that we can't make it better, do better. . . .BE BETTER!  

We absolutely HAVE to do better.  We owe it to our children and their children.  We have to try.  

Speaking from experience, laws are ONLY EVER FOLLOWED by the lawful.  That doesn't mean that we have NO LAWS.  That just makes no sense.  Speaking from experience, I've never had to have an abortion, but at the time where I MIGHT have HAD to have one, it was legal and I'm thankful that that was the case.  I'm saddened to think that I would have either had to become a criminal or force a baby to be born into this world only to suffer and live for mere hours.  Speaking from experience, the reason I didn't kill my perpetrator, honestly, had NOTHING to do with the idea of "jail time" and everything to do with not hurting his family.  Speaking from experience, I would never want to live in a country without an armed police force to serve and protect me.  I also wouldn't want to be asked to carry a gun into my classroom, in order to do that for my students.  

I recognize that these are hard things.  We can do hard things.  We've DONE hard things.  Let's figure this out together . . . . .speaking from experience, not premise; speaking from experience, not spoon fed  rhetoric; speaking from experience that has shaped us, formed us and made us wise to the ways of the world!

Let's all take a deep breath, it's just another day in "Perfect". . . . .