If you believe that "letting go" is defined as "letting go of the hope that the past will be any different", then I'm in total agreement and have "let go" of pretty much EVERYTHING in my life. However, if you believe that "letting go" means "forgiving" and or "forgetting" then, we have met at our em-pass. I truly believe the the notion of "letting go" is probably the most personal and yet confusing process of ones life. The term is over used and often misunderstood.
First of all, and possibly most importantly, look to the person who's asking you to "let it go". Do they have a vested interest in your "forgetting" about whatever happened? Are they themselves the one who has wronged you? If so, ask yourself this....what do I have to gain by forgetting how badly they've hurt me? You see, I feel, and rather strongly too, that people asking you to move on from THEIR mistake are probably feeling one of several ways. Firstly, they could feel ashamed. Embarrassed by their mistake, they hope that it can be moved on from quickly. No one wants to be reminded of what they've done wrong. Second, they could feel impatient to "move on" with their lives and simply don't want to invest the time into the relationship with you that is required to see you through the grieving process. Thirdly, they may feel as though they haven't wronged you in any way and are simply just trying to appease you and are truly eager to "put the whole misunderstanding behind you" and get on with the rest of their lives. Lastly, they may have found it impossible to ever be held accountable for their wrong doing, because they fail to ever acknowledge that they've EVER done wrong.
The last group are the ones to look out for. In my personal experience, these are the folks whom "appear" the most confident. I mean, why wouldn't they be? They've never been wrong a day in their lives, right? How nice must THAT be? Shockingly, these have also been the people in my life with the most "friends". Like moths to a flame, we are drawn to them, it seems. After all, confidence IS very attractive. But, if that confidence comes out of the arrogance and flat out WRONG idea that they're never wrong and therefore are somehow superior to everyone else, then LOOK OUT!!!
What if, the person telling you to "let it go", ISN"T the person who's wronged you? What does that mean? I believe that this request also has several possible causes. Firstly, that person may feel very uncomfortable with what you're sharing with them. They don't know how to handle it and/ or don't have any idea how to fix it (even if you're not looking for a "fix"). It seems that some people, hell, maybe MOST people instinctively feel like, if you're telling them something, you must want them to fix it. WRONGO, people!! Sometimes, just saying something out loud can help relieve the pressure of it. Even things that seem quire grave, need to be spoken of. Keeping things locked in a dark closet somewhere doesn't make them go away. Back to subject, though.....it's highly possible that you're just making the "other person" feel bad. People don't like to feel bad. When they DO feel bad, they want it to stop. First line of defense? Tell YOU to "let it go". They'll put this discomfort back on you and hope and pray that you drop the subject entirely. Hm? Does this speak more about MY issue, or theirs?
Secondly, you might have struck a nerve. Perhaps, they share this issue and don't want to share it with you. Fair enough, I suppose. However, I will beg the question again....my problem or theirs? When you chose to share something with someone else you are, in fact, inviting them INTO your life. Inviting them INTO your heart. Each of us have a choice in that moment. Protect ourselves or shine a light on that secret hiding in the back of our emotional closets? If someone has opened the door to your closet, and you feel safe inviting them in, then why not do it? You may feel as though you've gotten closer to "letting go" of your dark closet issue then they have and that makes you feel superior. Just stop right there. Maybe YOU"RE the one that they need in order to feel at peace with the past. Don't let an old wound fester. Even if you feel like it's all bandaged up and healing nicely. It's still good to take a peak at it now and again, just to make sure.
Lastly, maybe the person with whom you've just opened up to just truly doesn't give two shits about you. Possible. Even people who tout themselves as our friends have limits with said "affection". Learn your audience. I may have known you for a decade, but, alas, I've found that you don't want to hear word one about my health or my past suffered abuses. Fair enough.
Let's examine the misguided notion of "letting go" at its core, though, shall we? If I simply "let go" of the painful memory of touching a red burner, then perhaps I would be inclined to want to touch one again, no? Pain is a gift, folks. I don't want to let go of it. I WANT to remember it. I WANT to remember what caused it. I WANT to remember WHO caused it. I WANT to remember what to NOT EVER do again. I CHOOSE to remember. I believe that it's wise to keep your pain close to your heart. It's smart to protect yourself. As long as you're not encasing your heart with the pain or building a brick wall with it and removing yourself from the wonderful adventure this life holds for you! However, if your pain immediately recognizes a person, even if they're in a different body, perhaps you should be a bit slow to welcome them into your life. That pain will guide you to good people and veer you away from bad. My pain is my friend. It's part of who I am.
If you just can't stand that fact and insist on experiencing me sans my pain, then I suppose that again, we've come to an em-pass. I respect your pain. I acknowledge it. I welcome it, as I do my own. With pain has come wisdom. So, the next time you tell someone to just "let it go".......think long and hard about why you're doing that? Is if for them? Or yourself?
Take a deep breath.............it's just another day in Perfect!!!!
First of all, and possibly most importantly, look to the person who's asking you to "let it go". Do they have a vested interest in your "forgetting" about whatever happened? Are they themselves the one who has wronged you? If so, ask yourself this....what do I have to gain by forgetting how badly they've hurt me? You see, I feel, and rather strongly too, that people asking you to move on from THEIR mistake are probably feeling one of several ways. Firstly, they could feel ashamed. Embarrassed by their mistake, they hope that it can be moved on from quickly. No one wants to be reminded of what they've done wrong. Second, they could feel impatient to "move on" with their lives and simply don't want to invest the time into the relationship with you that is required to see you through the grieving process. Thirdly, they may feel as though they haven't wronged you in any way and are simply just trying to appease you and are truly eager to "put the whole misunderstanding behind you" and get on with the rest of their lives. Lastly, they may have found it impossible to ever be held accountable for their wrong doing, because they fail to ever acknowledge that they've EVER done wrong.
The last group are the ones to look out for. In my personal experience, these are the folks whom "appear" the most confident. I mean, why wouldn't they be? They've never been wrong a day in their lives, right? How nice must THAT be? Shockingly, these have also been the people in my life with the most "friends". Like moths to a flame, we are drawn to them, it seems. After all, confidence IS very attractive. But, if that confidence comes out of the arrogance and flat out WRONG idea that they're never wrong and therefore are somehow superior to everyone else, then LOOK OUT!!!
What if, the person telling you to "let it go", ISN"T the person who's wronged you? What does that mean? I believe that this request also has several possible causes. Firstly, that person may feel very uncomfortable with what you're sharing with them. They don't know how to handle it and/ or don't have any idea how to fix it (even if you're not looking for a "fix"). It seems that some people, hell, maybe MOST people instinctively feel like, if you're telling them something, you must want them to fix it. WRONGO, people!! Sometimes, just saying something out loud can help relieve the pressure of it. Even things that seem quire grave, need to be spoken of. Keeping things locked in a dark closet somewhere doesn't make them go away. Back to subject, though.....it's highly possible that you're just making the "other person" feel bad. People don't like to feel bad. When they DO feel bad, they want it to stop. First line of defense? Tell YOU to "let it go". They'll put this discomfort back on you and hope and pray that you drop the subject entirely. Hm? Does this speak more about MY issue, or theirs?
Secondly, you might have struck a nerve. Perhaps, they share this issue and don't want to share it with you. Fair enough, I suppose. However, I will beg the question again....my problem or theirs? When you chose to share something with someone else you are, in fact, inviting them INTO your life. Inviting them INTO your heart. Each of us have a choice in that moment. Protect ourselves or shine a light on that secret hiding in the back of our emotional closets? If someone has opened the door to your closet, and you feel safe inviting them in, then why not do it? You may feel as though you've gotten closer to "letting go" of your dark closet issue then they have and that makes you feel superior. Just stop right there. Maybe YOU"RE the one that they need in order to feel at peace with the past. Don't let an old wound fester. Even if you feel like it's all bandaged up and healing nicely. It's still good to take a peak at it now and again, just to make sure.
Lastly, maybe the person with whom you've just opened up to just truly doesn't give two shits about you. Possible. Even people who tout themselves as our friends have limits with said "affection". Learn your audience. I may have known you for a decade, but, alas, I've found that you don't want to hear word one about my health or my past suffered abuses. Fair enough.
Let's examine the misguided notion of "letting go" at its core, though, shall we? If I simply "let go" of the painful memory of touching a red burner, then perhaps I would be inclined to want to touch one again, no? Pain is a gift, folks. I don't want to let go of it. I WANT to remember it. I WANT to remember what caused it. I WANT to remember WHO caused it. I WANT to remember what to NOT EVER do again. I CHOOSE to remember. I believe that it's wise to keep your pain close to your heart. It's smart to protect yourself. As long as you're not encasing your heart with the pain or building a brick wall with it and removing yourself from the wonderful adventure this life holds for you! However, if your pain immediately recognizes a person, even if they're in a different body, perhaps you should be a bit slow to welcome them into your life. That pain will guide you to good people and veer you away from bad. My pain is my friend. It's part of who I am.
If you just can't stand that fact and insist on experiencing me sans my pain, then I suppose that again, we've come to an em-pass. I respect your pain. I acknowledge it. I welcome it, as I do my own. With pain has come wisdom. So, the next time you tell someone to just "let it go".......think long and hard about why you're doing that? Is if for them? Or yourself?
Take a deep breath.............it's just another day in Perfect!!!!
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