Once again, I find myself amazed. Shocked, even. I'd go so far as to say flat out gobsmacked. This is one time when I truly, honestly wish that I was a man. Hell, maybe men feel this way, too. I shouldn't jump to conclusions, should I?
I'm talking about people's opinions of other people. Mainly, what I see as women's opinions of each other. Now, I know that people, in general, don't like change. We'd prefer that our kind friends remain kind and that our "frenemies" also, remain so. We like consistency people! So, throw someone for a loop by, say, changing the way in which you allow others to treat you and POW, you've just blown up their whole world. They don't know what to do. How do act. Generally, they react "poorly". They tend to think that you've "gone around the bend" or that you've been lied to by some unknown third party. It's easier to believe that the "real problem" here is, you. It rarely occurs to people that, perhaps, they've been the ones who've gotten off easy all these years. That maybe, just maybe, they never should have been allowed to treat anyone the way in which they treated you. People COUNT on us to remain the same. Tilt the table, even a bit, and what happens? Everything slides off, right?
I'm super guilty of this, too, don't get me wrong. I mean, as y'all know, I feel quite strongly about the fact that we all judge. We all have misconceptions about each other. We'd all like to think that it's "them" and not "us". Well, we can't ALL be right about that one, can we? We all envy. We're all jealous of someone or something. ALL OF US, Y'ALL!!! What I find most interesting is those folks who deny that they do this at all. Those few people who'd have us believe that they themselves are, well, perfect. Not in every sense, of course, just in that they don't feel the need to desire anything outside of themselves. That they're "whole". Liar.
Now, this begs the question is that even possible? Is it even HUMANLY possible to NOT judge anyone else? Not to wish that you had those six pack abs or that shiny new car? Doubtful. So, I wonder, why do some folks feel the need to put forth an "image" of being above it all? The answer is in the question, isn't it? It's an image. Plain and simple.
Furthermore, is that "mean" lady across the street, really mean or is she "just strong"? Or is it possible, that the opposite is true and she's really "weak" and "fearful"? Anxious and nervous about what I might think of her. Maybe, she has a low self esteem, too. Maybe, she's been hurt by people in the past and doesn't want a repeat performance. See, we don't really know who people are because we never know what motivates them to act a certain way. Hell, any way, really. I don't know if you're being standoffish because you're "too good" for me or because you have "social anxiety", now do I? Not at all. Alas, I can JUDGE you and decide for myself WHY you're not talking to me or anyone else in the room. I have just as good a chance as being wrong as I do being right. In that moment, however, do I remember that? Sometimes. Usually. I try. I always try to understand people's behavior. Again, I'm probably wrong as many times as I'm right, but, I feel like I should get a gold star for trying, right?
Which brings me to my next point; why doesn't EVERYONE try? Why is it that it's so easy for some people to pass judgement on others and not even be able to admit that there's a snowballs chance in hell that their, GASP, wrong? I'm talking about people who are so damn sure that they're right that, even with truth on your side, there's no way you can convince them otherwise. Scary! Sad, really. I wouldn't want to walk around being so set in my own ideas and prejudices that when the truth hit me square in the face, I missed it. Would you? Do you? Truly think about it. Do you? Do you miss it, folks? If so, why? Is it fear? Is it pride? What makes it so impossible for you to realize, and furthermore, admit that you were wrong?
I'm wrong. A lot. Everyday. So are you. Sit with that for a moment. Feel it. Realize how it makes you feel to be wrong. What's it taste like? What's it do to your body? There. That's it. That's the worst thing that can happen to you by being wrong. Period. Now, on the contrary, what's the best thing that can happen to you? People could see you as honest and humble. Folks could know that they can come to you with something and that you'll be open to it. Your friends will know you to be the person who can be wrong with grace and dignity. Your spouse won't be afraid to confront you with an issue that's been bothering them for years. Your children will learn what it means to have integrity, grace, strength, an open heart and mind and what it means to be a complete adult. Beautiful. All simply from admitting that you're wrong. Not to mention the wonder and awe you'll feel when you realize that those people who you THOUGHT didn't like you or were "evil", really were just afraid or insecure or even shy. Endearing.
Kindness. Now here's a delicate issue that's close to my heart. I try to be kind.....all the time. Without fail. Challenging, yes, but not impossible. I've been married for a long time. Well a long time in dog years, at least. I've been married for 14 years, come this July. I'm kind to my husband, every single day. No lie, people. Everyday. Still. I'm kind to my friends. I'm kind to my children. I'm kind to strangers. I'm kind to myself. Shocking. The last one took me the longest to master. Okay, that's a lie, I'm still a "work in progress". But, I am making progress. Yet, when I started being kind to myself I met the most obstacles, the most resistance. I found that people loved my kindness. Towards them. That they depended on it. To MY detriment, at times. You see, they had me all figured out, didn't they? They knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what my reactions would be to their behavior. Kindness. They knew that I wouldn't call them out or say mean things to them. They knew that I was going to react, kindly. They were right. Until. Until one day, I decided that I mattered, too. That I was a person, too and if my "motto" in life, for lack of a better term was, "Be unfailingly kind", then didn't I owe myself that same kindness? Life altering. The short answer, from the people in my life was, a resounding "NO!"
I found that some people in my life have viewed my kindness as a weakness. They WERE right. Now, however, I've been able to flip it around and have it be my strength. Make no mistake, I'm still "nice". I'm still tender hearted. I just allow myself the same grace. This has caused unending friction in my life. I was, and still am confounded by that.
It's come to my attention recently, that there are people out there who see me as "angry" all the time. Now, looking back over my postings, I suppose that I can see why. People have judged them as anger filled and possibly even mean. Wrong. This is my way of purging. Not really venting, no. That word is overused and misunderstood. This is truly a purging. I'm releasing it to the world. You should try it. It's amazing! You see, I've encased myself in other people's crap for so long that I truly have to "get it out". Get rid of it. Put it back into the universe. In that, people are misunderstanding my intent. It's to free myself of the ugliness. I'm finding my own voice. I'm drawing my inner strength up and allowing myself to speak up and possibly, to even be heard! So, is this strength or vengeance? Is it empowering myself by means of tearing others down? Not. At. All.
What I really want you to "get" from this is that people can be strong and not mean. Shocking. I might even be more shocked by that than you are. That "kind" people aren't weak people. New idea? That what people "seem" to be, on the outside, is probably not how they're feeling on the inside, even a little bit and mostly, that it takes more strength to be true to yourself than anyone knows. Even you.
So, I'm not going to be discouraged. I refuse to let what people "think of me" rule my life anymore. I'm kind whether you see it or not. I'm telling the truth whether you believe me or not. I'm truly happy now, whether you've noticed or not. I'm stronger now whether you feel it or not. I have truth on my side. In the end, that's all any of us can confidently rely on.
Take a deep breath...........it's just another day in Perfect!!!
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