You know what I'm sick of? Pretty much fucking everything. No. I mean it. Really. EVERYTHING! If there was a little "timer" that would/could pop out of the side of each and every one of us "humans" that indicated when we've just "had enough". . . mine would have popped about a year and half ago. (And don't we all kinda wish that such a thing existed? Imagine all the bull shit we could prevent from happening? No more crazed folks running around shooting innocent people. No way! We'd be able to "lock people away" until their little "I'VE HAD ENOUGH SHIT" meter returns to "normal"!)
I digress. . . .I mean aren't YOU sick of everything, too? Such as. . .why on Earth do I need Christmas decorations out for sale in the middle of July? Really? Because, of course, there isn't ENOUGH stress put on us moms to make that "blessed holiday" (yeah, right. . .more like COMMERCIALISM AT IT'S FINEST!) bloody perfect every year? Let's make me start panicking about my inadequacy in the middle of summer?!? No thanks.
I'm also super tired of politicians. I hate them all. I'm tired of being told that I'm an "idiot" and "un-American" for thinking that there's really just no good damn reason for you and I to be able to go out and get a "clip" that holds ONE HUNDRED ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION! Really? I'm stupid? There's something wrong with ME? I've never heard of a "hunter" needing to shoot a deer a hundred times to kill it. (Since all I "EVER" seem to hear about is "hunters need their guns for this and hunters need their guns for that. . .) Not to mention, if I'm using "my gun" to PROTECT myself, again, why do I need 100 bullets to shoot a bad guy? Are we really THAT worried about the zombie apocalypse? I'm also tired of them throwing FITS when they "don't get their way" and keep on threatening to "shut the government down". I find this hilarious because you can bet your sweet ass that they'd keep on getting paid. Not really "shutting the doors", are ya? Fuckers. I hate liars. I hate fakers. I hate whiners. Suck it up and do your damn job for once!
If I see one more Dunkin' Donuts next to a Curves or 24 Hour Fitness I'm going to explode. What the hell is wrong with us here in America? People aren't struggling enough with their health and weight, we need to give them some EXTRA temptation? Come on. I hate cruelty, too. And to me. . .this just seems cruel.
Then there are all these damn 'studies' that make each and every one of us either feel stupid and inferior or superior and brilliant. Again, really? How much damn money do we spend on 'studies' of NOTHING IMPORTANT?
Speaking of feeling inferior and stupid. . . . why can't women be nice to each other? I'm tired of being used and abused by people who claim to be my friends. No good deed goes unpunished there. Evil knows no bounds in this arena. Someone knows your inner most secrets? You can bet she's going to use that to, not only, stab you in the back but also in the front. The side. The head. The shoulder. The eye. You name it. It's apparently not "off limits". And I love how then they turn around and blame YOU for the "drama" in their lives. Ummm. . .??? WHAT?
I could go on and on, but really. . .the point is this. . . .do we each have a set "limit" for what we can take? How does one go about "resetting" their "capacity timer" once it's gone off? I'm really struggling with trying to figure this one out. How do I put the cork BACK IN THE BOTTLE? How do I STOP feeling overwhelmed with my life and the lives of all of those that intersect mine? Why do some folks seem to have a much larger capacity for bullshit? Why am I one of them? (Or at least USED to be . .) Why was I able to, quite easily, just sit back and swallow all of the crap that was handed down to me; given to me through little or no choice of my own? Why now. . .all of the sudden. . .am I UNABLE, perhaps, unwilling, to accept what, once was, not only okay but expected? Is my current "lack of capacity" a sign of growth or weakness? Does your level of "capacity" change over time? Should it? Can you consciously "adjust" your level? How can we recognize the "warning signs" in ourselves and those around us that, maybe, just maybe, they've been pushed too far? Why can't anyone seem to hear me; when I'm so clearly standing in the middle of this room SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS??? (Oh sorry. . . . .my 'turkey timer" popped right out there. . .)
I just don't know. I don't know why, or how, or when, or where any of this went off of the rails. I don't know who am I some days. When I became this person who I see in the mirror every day. I don't know how I got here and I certainly don't seem to know where I'm going. I've lived a lifetime "under my capacity" and now. . . .now that I'm "over it", I'm not sure that I can put the genie back into the bottle. I'm not sure what it would look like if I allowed myself to be raw. . .edgy. . . hard. . . .bitter. . . .selfish. . . . out of control. . . ."over capacity". What would happen if I just SAID what I really thought?
I digress. . . .I mean aren't YOU sick of everything, too? Such as. . .why on Earth do I need Christmas decorations out for sale in the middle of July? Really? Because, of course, there isn't ENOUGH stress put on us moms to make that "blessed holiday" (yeah, right. . .more like COMMERCIALISM AT IT'S FINEST!) bloody perfect every year? Let's make me start panicking about my inadequacy in the middle of summer?!? No thanks.
I'm also super tired of politicians. I hate them all. I'm tired of being told that I'm an "idiot" and "un-American" for thinking that there's really just no good damn reason for you and I to be able to go out and get a "clip" that holds ONE HUNDRED ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION! Really? I'm stupid? There's something wrong with ME? I've never heard of a "hunter" needing to shoot a deer a hundred times to kill it. (Since all I "EVER" seem to hear about is "hunters need their guns for this and hunters need their guns for that. . .) Not to mention, if I'm using "my gun" to PROTECT myself, again, why do I need 100 bullets to shoot a bad guy? Are we really THAT worried about the zombie apocalypse? I'm also tired of them throwing FITS when they "don't get their way" and keep on threatening to "shut the government down". I find this hilarious because you can bet your sweet ass that they'd keep on getting paid. Not really "shutting the doors", are ya? Fuckers. I hate liars. I hate fakers. I hate whiners. Suck it up and do your damn job for once!
If I see one more Dunkin' Donuts next to a Curves or 24 Hour Fitness I'm going to explode. What the hell is wrong with us here in America? People aren't struggling enough with their health and weight, we need to give them some EXTRA temptation? Come on. I hate cruelty, too. And to me. . .this just seems cruel.
Then there are all these damn 'studies' that make each and every one of us either feel stupid and inferior or superior and brilliant. Again, really? How much damn money do we spend on 'studies' of NOTHING IMPORTANT?
Speaking of feeling inferior and stupid. . . . why can't women be nice to each other? I'm tired of being used and abused by people who claim to be my friends. No good deed goes unpunished there. Evil knows no bounds in this arena. Someone knows your inner most secrets? You can bet she's going to use that to, not only, stab you in the back but also in the front. The side. The head. The shoulder. The eye. You name it. It's apparently not "off limits". And I love how then they turn around and blame YOU for the "drama" in their lives. Ummm. . .??? WHAT?
I could go on and on, but really. . .the point is this. . . .do we each have a set "limit" for what we can take? How does one go about "resetting" their "capacity timer" once it's gone off? I'm really struggling with trying to figure this one out. How do I put the cork BACK IN THE BOTTLE? How do I STOP feeling overwhelmed with my life and the lives of all of those that intersect mine? Why do some folks seem to have a much larger capacity for bullshit? Why am I one of them? (Or at least USED to be . .) Why was I able to, quite easily, just sit back and swallow all of the crap that was handed down to me; given to me through little or no choice of my own? Why now. . .all of the sudden. . .am I UNABLE, perhaps, unwilling, to accept what, once was, not only okay but expected? Is my current "lack of capacity" a sign of growth or weakness? Does your level of "capacity" change over time? Should it? Can you consciously "adjust" your level? How can we recognize the "warning signs" in ourselves and those around us that, maybe, just maybe, they've been pushed too far? Why can't anyone seem to hear me; when I'm so clearly standing in the middle of this room SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS??? (Oh sorry. . . . .my 'turkey timer" popped right out there. . .)
I just don't know. I don't know why, or how, or when, or where any of this went off of the rails. I don't know who am I some days. When I became this person who I see in the mirror every day. I don't know how I got here and I certainly don't seem to know where I'm going. I've lived a lifetime "under my capacity" and now. . . .now that I'm "over it", I'm not sure that I can put the genie back into the bottle. I'm not sure what it would look like if I allowed myself to be raw. . .edgy. . . hard. . . .bitter. . . .selfish. . . . out of control. . . ."over capacity". What would happen if I just SAID what I really thought?
Take a deep breath, it's just another day in Perfect!
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