What is intimacy? I see it as being your true, authentic self, warts and all, with another person. I think that's being open and honest about who you are. Allowing someone inside of you. Not in a sexual way, but rather an emotional one. It's scary. It's hard. It's a HUGE risk. It's also worth it. Being fake or having pretense won't work. You have to be. . .well. . .naked. You have to honor someone else with your truth.
I see the honor in that. I've always valued intimacy, probably more than anything else, in my relationships. I feel honored when someone trusts me enough to be authentic with me. Now, that doesn't always mean that it's good, or happy, or joyful. No. It can be ugly and painful and even bitter at times. However, I've always found grace and beauty in the act of intimacy. I've also tried to honor that with being authentic in myself. Again, this doesn't always "work out" for me. I do tend to be more "intimate" with folks than they are comfortable with. Some people don't WANT you to be authentic. It's foreign to them. They can feel threatened or uncomfortable, especially if they aren't in an authentic place themselves. Fake is the opposition to authentic. That's okay. They're just not "there" yet.
I'm so thankful and grateful to those around me who are genuine and "real". I'm attracted to those people. Unfortunately, I'm also attracted to people who struggle with the notion. I've found myself in many relationships, friendships, romantic and familiar, that aren't truly intimate. I become intrigued by their walls, the barrier that keeps them from me. I want to break down that wall. . . .get to the "creamy center", if you will. I've always felt "special", somehow, if someone who's generally stoic, opens up to me. I love the feeling of being "the only one who really knows them". This has set me up to be hurt and "shoved back out" of their lives, at times. But, it's also allowed me the intimacy that comes with being patient and having some grace. Some of my most sacred relationships have come from "staying the course" and waiting.
It's not always been easy to "practice what I preach", however. I didn't realize it, until recently, that even though I wake up each day with the ideal of being "true" and "honest", that I was in fact, still closed off to some people. I wouldn't allow them in. I was afraid. It was too hard. It was too much of a risk for me. I was damaging my own well being and the very life of the relationship by being "fake". I was afraid to be weak, vulnerable. . . pathetic. I didn't want them to see that I was, in fact, scared. Damaged. Broken. Overwhelmed. Imperfect. Now, in my own "defense", these people had hurt me. Extensively. I wasn't ready to "jump back in, with both feet" and take the risk of being hurt again. Well, guess what? I only hurt myself, in the end. The distance that they felt from me, allowed them to roam free. Gave them "permission" to hurt me. That "disconnection" was my own creation and then I was shocked when it was taken to the logical end. All this did was "reconfirm" for me that I was, in fact, "right" to be disconnected. "See. . .. I KNEW that he was going to hurt me again!!! I was right to be distant" WRONG!!!! You can't push someone away and them blame then for leaving you. You. Just. Can't. This can also be said for folks who've shut me out. I just don't seem to "get the message" soon enough. I persevere and pray that they'll open up and allow me back into their lives. Then, I've had to make the painful choice to turn and walk away. There again, they seem to be shocked that they pushed me away and I left. Someone, I get to 'take the fall" for their bad behavior and lack of authenticity and integrity. Intimacy doesn't work that way, folks. It's a fragile thing. Delicate. Easily destroyed. Extremely hard to rebuild.
Intimacy goes both ways. You have to allow someone in as much as they have to allowed you in. It won't work if only one of you is "playing along". There is an honor and grace to intimacy. It's an honor to be intimate with someone. There is a need for graceful understanding in an intimate relationship. Cherish those that you have and seek to better those that you've neglected up til now. Softening yourself to those you love, isn't weakness. Quite the opposite. It's the ultimate in strength. You're showing that you know yourself. You trust yourself. You believe that you're good enough to be loved for who you really are. Will you lose some folks along the way? Perhaps. Mourn that loss and move on. The most fulfilling feeling is knowing that every single person who knows you, really truly knows YOU! It's much easier to be who people WANT you to be and be "guaranteed" their love. It's also much easier to think, "If they don't love me, it wasn't the "real me" they knew anyway. . .so. . .who gives a fuck?" Tisk-tisk!!! You're sabotaging the relationship yourself. Be yourself. Be genuine. Honor those in your life who've done the same. Be graceful to the ones who are struggling but still trying. Remove those who will NEVER be authentic with you (or anyone else for that matter!).
I'm deeply honored and feel complete by the intimacy I have in my life. I feel more myself than I've ever been. I feel more grounded. Content. There's a peace found in true intimacy that can not be replaced by a thousand "friends" on Facebook or a hundred "acquaintances". It's a sacred, honorable peace.
Take a deep breath. . . . .. it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!!
I see the honor in that. I've always valued intimacy, probably more than anything else, in my relationships. I feel honored when someone trusts me enough to be authentic with me. Now, that doesn't always mean that it's good, or happy, or joyful. No. It can be ugly and painful and even bitter at times. However, I've always found grace and beauty in the act of intimacy. I've also tried to honor that with being authentic in myself. Again, this doesn't always "work out" for me. I do tend to be more "intimate" with folks than they are comfortable with. Some people don't WANT you to be authentic. It's foreign to them. They can feel threatened or uncomfortable, especially if they aren't in an authentic place themselves. Fake is the opposition to authentic. That's okay. They're just not "there" yet.
I'm so thankful and grateful to those around me who are genuine and "real". I'm attracted to those people. Unfortunately, I'm also attracted to people who struggle with the notion. I've found myself in many relationships, friendships, romantic and familiar, that aren't truly intimate. I become intrigued by their walls, the barrier that keeps them from me. I want to break down that wall. . . .get to the "creamy center", if you will. I've always felt "special", somehow, if someone who's generally stoic, opens up to me. I love the feeling of being "the only one who really knows them". This has set me up to be hurt and "shoved back out" of their lives, at times. But, it's also allowed me the intimacy that comes with being patient and having some grace. Some of my most sacred relationships have come from "staying the course" and waiting.
It's not always been easy to "practice what I preach", however. I didn't realize it, until recently, that even though I wake up each day with the ideal of being "true" and "honest", that I was in fact, still closed off to some people. I wouldn't allow them in. I was afraid. It was too hard. It was too much of a risk for me. I was damaging my own well being and the very life of the relationship by being "fake". I was afraid to be weak, vulnerable. . . pathetic. I didn't want them to see that I was, in fact, scared. Damaged. Broken. Overwhelmed. Imperfect. Now, in my own "defense", these people had hurt me. Extensively. I wasn't ready to "jump back in, with both feet" and take the risk of being hurt again. Well, guess what? I only hurt myself, in the end. The distance that they felt from me, allowed them to roam free. Gave them "permission" to hurt me. That "disconnection" was my own creation and then I was shocked when it was taken to the logical end. All this did was "reconfirm" for me that I was, in fact, "right" to be disconnected. "See. . .. I KNEW that he was going to hurt me again!!! I was right to be distant" WRONG!!!! You can't push someone away and them blame then for leaving you. You. Just. Can't. This can also be said for folks who've shut me out. I just don't seem to "get the message" soon enough. I persevere and pray that they'll open up and allow me back into their lives. Then, I've had to make the painful choice to turn and walk away. There again, they seem to be shocked that they pushed me away and I left. Someone, I get to 'take the fall" for their bad behavior and lack of authenticity and integrity. Intimacy doesn't work that way, folks. It's a fragile thing. Delicate. Easily destroyed. Extremely hard to rebuild.
Intimacy goes both ways. You have to allow someone in as much as they have to allowed you in. It won't work if only one of you is "playing along". There is an honor and grace to intimacy. It's an honor to be intimate with someone. There is a need for graceful understanding in an intimate relationship. Cherish those that you have and seek to better those that you've neglected up til now. Softening yourself to those you love, isn't weakness. Quite the opposite. It's the ultimate in strength. You're showing that you know yourself. You trust yourself. You believe that you're good enough to be loved for who you really are. Will you lose some folks along the way? Perhaps. Mourn that loss and move on. The most fulfilling feeling is knowing that every single person who knows you, really truly knows YOU! It's much easier to be who people WANT you to be and be "guaranteed" their love. It's also much easier to think, "If they don't love me, it wasn't the "real me" they knew anyway. . .so. . .who gives a fuck?" Tisk-tisk!!! You're sabotaging the relationship yourself. Be yourself. Be genuine. Honor those in your life who've done the same. Be graceful to the ones who are struggling but still trying. Remove those who will NEVER be authentic with you (or anyone else for that matter!).
I'm deeply honored and feel complete by the intimacy I have in my life. I feel more myself than I've ever been. I feel more grounded. Content. There's a peace found in true intimacy that can not be replaced by a thousand "friends" on Facebook or a hundred "acquaintances". It's a sacred, honorable peace.
Take a deep breath. . . . .. it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment