So, what does one do when the truth is being withheld? Hm? Good question, isn't it? I mean, really think about it. . . .what on Earth can we even do? No. Seriously. I'm asking you. Because, clearly I have no idea.
My step father has been holding the truth hostage for two decades. He knows that he sexually abused me. I know that he sexually abused me. There are a small number of people in my "inner circle", whom also know that he sexually abused me. The rub here is. . . .my own Mother doesn't believe me. My own Aunt doesn't believe me. I've lost huge chunks of my family to this lie. Why, you might ask? Well, it's simple, my step father REFUSES to admit the truth. Alas. What can I do? I've told my story. I've written him letters begging him to confess. I've even gone so far as to remove myself ENTIRELY from their lives. I haven't seen either my mother or step father, apart from mandatory family events, i.e. weddings, etc. in nearly two years. My thought was, he'd see how hard this is on everyone and cave. Um, yeah. . .not so much.
I have two sisters, whom are both his biological children. Thankfully, he never abused them. One of them, out of the blue, decided to confront her father one day. She and I had had a lunch. A LONG lunch. We talked about a lot of things. One of those things was the manner in which this "family lie" has effected me. It's a hard thing to explain to someone else. Anyone else. Anyone who hasn't been labeled a liar, for telling the truth, will never know how I feel. But, I did the best that I could in explaining to my younger sister how this most tragic event has impacted me. I must have touched a nerve in her, because it was this same day that she decided to confront her father.
She called him --- invited to him to dinner. All seemed quite normal to him, I'm sure. Little did he know that this dinner would forever change the course of our lives. So, what EXACTLY did he confess to? Hmm. Well, that's a bit complicated. A lot of it was with gesture and nuance, facial expression and by just simple NOT denying things she stated as fact. This, of course, makes it rather hard to write about. Suffices to say, he did confess to abusing me in a sexual way. He confessed to being "in love with me". He confessed to KNOWING that he should tell the truth, but to being to afraid to do so. Joy and rapture, right? Not so fast.
The day he "confessed" to my sister was August 19th, 2010. The only reason why I remember it so clearly is, my Mother's birthday is August 20th. Now, I'm not heartless. I would never ask him to confess to molesting a woman's child to her on her birthday. So, clearly he couldn't say anything to her the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. And so on. Fast forward to March 29, 2011. He STILL hasn't confessed to anyone but my sister. Now, for me, personally, if I were in my sisters shoes I would have already gone to my Mother and told her what he told me. Case closed. However, she hasn't felt so compelled.
So, again, I ask, what do you do with someone who's holding the truth hostage? I have no way of forcing either one of them to do "the right thing". I've sent emails to my step father, again, begging him to confess already. Free me from this prison that he's caged me in for the better part of my life. No response. No action. I've asked my sister to give him a "push" in the right direction. She's afraid to do so. Understandable. I've written letters to my Mother telling her why I am the way I am and begging her to believe me. No change. So, I'm living in the ultimate stale mate. No way to move forward, tired of looking backward. I don't like who I am BECAUSE of this label I've been carrying my whole adult life. I also can't change the "who I am" on any real, true, deeper level, because there has been NO resolution to the "problem". No closure. No freedom from the confines of my invisible prison.
So what? Move on. Right? It's not quite that easy folks. Imagine, if you can, your entire family turning their backs on you when you're only 16 years old. Why did they do this? Oh, well, because you finally turned in the person who's been abusing you for nearly a decade to the police. Back in the 80's, they didn't really ever believe the child, the way that they do now. No, back then, it was more like, "Gee, let's ask her abuser and see what he has to say." Huh? OF COURSE, he's going to deny it. He wants to keep his ass out of jail, people. Come on. That's exactly what he did, too. He denied it. I stood by my story. He continued to deny it. I never even was allowed to go to court to tell my side of the story. Not once. I was placed in a foster home with a woman whom hated me, my Mother saw to that. My Mother told everyone who would listen that I was a "troubled child", I ditched school, I was promiscuous, I had an eating disorder, I would isolate myself in my room. Clearly, I had to be a liar, too. Funny thing is. . . . . .we now know that all of my "issues" are a dead giveaway for an abused child. Back then, though, this was enough "evidence" to convict ME. He never served a day in jail. He never paid any sort of a price ----- at all. He's still married to my Mother. I still had to be a part of their family, if I wanted to spend ANY time with my then, 6 and 3 year old sisters. The perfect leverage.
So, here I sit, nearly 40 and STILL with no vindication. No closure. No peace of spirit. No real extended family to speak of. Labeled a liar. I've worn this "Scarlet Letter" for the last 23 years. I am unable to rip it off, by myself. So, here I sit. . . . . .
Take a deep breath............it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
My step father has been holding the truth hostage for two decades. He knows that he sexually abused me. I know that he sexually abused me. There are a small number of people in my "inner circle", whom also know that he sexually abused me. The rub here is. . . .my own Mother doesn't believe me. My own Aunt doesn't believe me. I've lost huge chunks of my family to this lie. Why, you might ask? Well, it's simple, my step father REFUSES to admit the truth. Alas. What can I do? I've told my story. I've written him letters begging him to confess. I've even gone so far as to remove myself ENTIRELY from their lives. I haven't seen either my mother or step father, apart from mandatory family events, i.e. weddings, etc. in nearly two years. My thought was, he'd see how hard this is on everyone and cave. Um, yeah. . .not so much.
I have two sisters, whom are both his biological children. Thankfully, he never abused them. One of them, out of the blue, decided to confront her father one day. She and I had had a lunch. A LONG lunch. We talked about a lot of things. One of those things was the manner in which this "family lie" has effected me. It's a hard thing to explain to someone else. Anyone else. Anyone who hasn't been labeled a liar, for telling the truth, will never know how I feel. But, I did the best that I could in explaining to my younger sister how this most tragic event has impacted me. I must have touched a nerve in her, because it was this same day that she decided to confront her father.
She called him --- invited to him to dinner. All seemed quite normal to him, I'm sure. Little did he know that this dinner would forever change the course of our lives. So, what EXACTLY did he confess to? Hmm. Well, that's a bit complicated. A lot of it was with gesture and nuance, facial expression and by just simple NOT denying things she stated as fact. This, of course, makes it rather hard to write about. Suffices to say, he did confess to abusing me in a sexual way. He confessed to being "in love with me". He confessed to KNOWING that he should tell the truth, but to being to afraid to do so. Joy and rapture, right? Not so fast.
The day he "confessed" to my sister was August 19th, 2010. The only reason why I remember it so clearly is, my Mother's birthday is August 20th. Now, I'm not heartless. I would never ask him to confess to molesting a woman's child to her on her birthday. So, clearly he couldn't say anything to her the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. And so on. Fast forward to March 29, 2011. He STILL hasn't confessed to anyone but my sister. Now, for me, personally, if I were in my sisters shoes I would have already gone to my Mother and told her what he told me. Case closed. However, she hasn't felt so compelled.
So, again, I ask, what do you do with someone who's holding the truth hostage? I have no way of forcing either one of them to do "the right thing". I've sent emails to my step father, again, begging him to confess already. Free me from this prison that he's caged me in for the better part of my life. No response. No action. I've asked my sister to give him a "push" in the right direction. She's afraid to do so. Understandable. I've written letters to my Mother telling her why I am the way I am and begging her to believe me. No change. So, I'm living in the ultimate stale mate. No way to move forward, tired of looking backward. I don't like who I am BECAUSE of this label I've been carrying my whole adult life. I also can't change the "who I am" on any real, true, deeper level, because there has been NO resolution to the "problem". No closure. No freedom from the confines of my invisible prison.
So what? Move on. Right? It's not quite that easy folks. Imagine, if you can, your entire family turning their backs on you when you're only 16 years old. Why did they do this? Oh, well, because you finally turned in the person who's been abusing you for nearly a decade to the police. Back in the 80's, they didn't really ever believe the child, the way that they do now. No, back then, it was more like, "Gee, let's ask her abuser and see what he has to say." Huh? OF COURSE, he's going to deny it. He wants to keep his ass out of jail, people. Come on. That's exactly what he did, too. He denied it. I stood by my story. He continued to deny it. I never even was allowed to go to court to tell my side of the story. Not once. I was placed in a foster home with a woman whom hated me, my Mother saw to that. My Mother told everyone who would listen that I was a "troubled child", I ditched school, I was promiscuous, I had an eating disorder, I would isolate myself in my room. Clearly, I had to be a liar, too. Funny thing is. . . . . .we now know that all of my "issues" are a dead giveaway for an abused child. Back then, though, this was enough "evidence" to convict ME. He never served a day in jail. He never paid any sort of a price ----- at all. He's still married to my Mother. I still had to be a part of their family, if I wanted to spend ANY time with my then, 6 and 3 year old sisters. The perfect leverage.
So, here I sit, nearly 40 and STILL with no vindication. No closure. No peace of spirit. No real extended family to speak of. Labeled a liar. I've worn this "Scarlet Letter" for the last 23 years. I am unable to rip it off, by myself. So, here I sit. . . . . .
Take a deep breath............it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
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