Perspective. I talk about it a lot. Okay, I'm kind of obsessed with it. I find that it alone, truly is the "cause" of all in the world. Evil and good. Fun and boring. Depressive and elating. It's all about the "perspective".
So, here I sit. Finally, I sit. I've been working at my husband's company since May and I've started working with the police department as a victim's advocate. I'm also the room mom for my youngest's fifth grade class. I'm a substitute crossing guard at the school. I have friends and family who love, need and want me around. I. Am. Blessed. I. Am. Also. Overwhelmed. I also finally have a "day off".
Now, here's where the perspective kicks into high gear, folks. Am I a working mom or a stay at home mom? I "work" for my husbands company two days a week. I'm at the police department another two days a week (give or take a day here and there. . .). I help out at the school as needed. I still clean my whole house, do all the laundry, all the cooking, all the shopping, all the baking, all the party planning, all the helping with homework, all the parent/teacher conferences, all the band-aid applying, all the hair "doing", all the lunch making. . . .you get the idea. I'm here when my girls leave for school and I'm here when they get home (most days). I still find the time to call the people whom matter to me the most. I still reach out to friends in need. I'm still a shoulder for anyone to cry on at any time. I still pay the bills, on time. I still manage to do everything that I did "before I went back to work", even whilst working. Albeit, my house isn't "quite" as clean as it used to be.
Funny thing has happened though. . . .I'm getting many more offers for "help". For example, I'm getting a "pass" from the teacher. . . .for the first time EVER! I was told, by the teacher whom I've been the room mom for the entire school year, "If you need to step back from any of your responsibilities here, I totally understand. You're a working woman now!" Hmmmm. . .what? I have NEVER, in my "stay at home mom" days, been told that I could "step back". It's almost an EXPECTATION that we "stay at home" moms are going to do EVERYTHING at the school. Meanwhile, the working moms are "allowed" to send in store bought cupcakes. They're responsible for "plates and napkins". Are you kidding me? You know what I'm talking about, "working women". This is not a dig. Not in the slightest. It's just. . . .perspective.
Then, when I'm talking to my "working mom" friends, they tend to say things like "Well, at least you're not "really working"!' Excuse ME??? They, of course, see me as a stay at home mom still. They still expect my house to be perfect. Home cooked meals to just "POOF" into existence. I mean --- REALLY? My professional moms still treat me like an impostor. They still "pat me on my head" and say "Wow, I wish that I got to go home right now, too.".
So, here I sit. In limbo. Am I a working mom? Am I a stay at home mom? I suppose that it depends on who you talk to. . .thus, the person's PERSPECTIVE on things. To those single moms out there who've had to work a fully time job since the day their baby was born just to put food on the table, they'd probably say, "Uh, hell no. You are so NOT a working mom!" Can I ignore their perspective? Of course not. I would, however, as them this. . .if you COULD stay home with your child, would you? I mean, really think about it, ladies. Would you? I'm not talking about getting to spend some wonderful "quality time" with your kids; like on a vacation to say Disney World, or around the holiday table with Auntie Rose and Uncle Bob. I'm talking about, sitting at home. Day in and day out. Some weeks not speaking to another adult except for the checker at the grocery store. I'm talking about staring at the same four walls every single day and wondering how many more times you can scrub the same spot? I'm talking about losing yourself entirely to your family. Your house. No affirmations here. No one to give you a pat on the back. No one to tell you what a good job you're doing. Nothing. Just you and your child(ren) and your house. When the highlight of your week becomes running to Wal-Mart. . .how will that feel?
I've had a few of my "once" working moms become stay at home moms in the last few years. What they've all told me is this. . .."I had no idea how hard this was." Can I get a "Hallelujah!!!!"? You're damn right. It IS hard. It's a different kind of hard. But, hard nonetheless.
Now, here I sit. . ..with a day off. A day that seven months ago, would have been like every other damn day of my life, but now. . .now it takes on a different meaning. I have a different perspective on it. Now, I just don't want to leave my house. I want to "chill" inside. Sit on my sofa. Appreciate my four walls. Don't ask me to leave and run a damn errand. Don't ask me to do anything really. Why? Because I just want to scrub some spot on the wall. What? The? Fuck?? Are we really always going to want that grass that's just on the other side of the fence? I made the crucial mistake of saying, out loud, that I was bored. I've equated it with "praying for patience". We all know that you just DON'T DO THAT!! Well, hell. Don't say that you're bored either.
So I work. In the end, I do. I get up and drive across town, come hell or high water and I get a paycheck. I also get up and drive across town, come hell or high water, to help out a total stranger. For this, I do NOT get a paycheck. . .yet. (Fingers crossed here. . . .) I stand out in the rain with a stop sign to make sure that our kiddos can cross the street and get to school in one piece. I organize holiday parties for fifth graders. I clean a large house. I do the laundry of four people. . .well really more like 7. . .I have a teenage daughter. I bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. . .and never let you forget your a man. Oh. Wait. I got side tracked. I do that. I'm tired. Why? Because I'm a working stay at home mom. That's what I am. I'm both. It kinda sucks and it's kind of amazing. All at the same time. I'm getting to see the world from a new perspective.
Which one is better. . .a working mom or a stay at home mom? (Come on, that's what you wanna know, right? That's what it all comes down to in the end. After all, we're Americans. We need to "classify" everything, don't we??) Well, I would say that I have respect for all moms. It's hard. The whole damn thing. If you have to leave your sweet ones every single day and pray that someone else will love and keep them as well as you would, if you could. That's hard. Really hard. If you have to stay home each and every day and not feel "appreciated" or "valued". THAT'S hard. Really hard. So, I think what I want to get across here is this. . . .can we all stop competing and just start realizing that neither one is perfect. Neither one is "superior". Neither one has it "worse" or "better". It's all just your perspective.
Take a deep breath. . . . . . .it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
So, here I sit. Finally, I sit. I've been working at my husband's company since May and I've started working with the police department as a victim's advocate. I'm also the room mom for my youngest's fifth grade class. I'm a substitute crossing guard at the school. I have friends and family who love, need and want me around. I. Am. Blessed. I. Am. Also. Overwhelmed. I also finally have a "day off".
Now, here's where the perspective kicks into high gear, folks. Am I a working mom or a stay at home mom? I "work" for my husbands company two days a week. I'm at the police department another two days a week (give or take a day here and there. . .). I help out at the school as needed. I still clean my whole house, do all the laundry, all the cooking, all the shopping, all the baking, all the party planning, all the helping with homework, all the parent/teacher conferences, all the band-aid applying, all the hair "doing", all the lunch making. . . .you get the idea. I'm here when my girls leave for school and I'm here when they get home (most days). I still find the time to call the people whom matter to me the most. I still reach out to friends in need. I'm still a shoulder for anyone to cry on at any time. I still pay the bills, on time. I still manage to do everything that I did "before I went back to work", even whilst working. Albeit, my house isn't "quite" as clean as it used to be.
Funny thing has happened though. . . .I'm getting many more offers for "help". For example, I'm getting a "pass" from the teacher. . . .for the first time EVER! I was told, by the teacher whom I've been the room mom for the entire school year, "If you need to step back from any of your responsibilities here, I totally understand. You're a working woman now!" Hmmmm. . .what? I have NEVER, in my "stay at home mom" days, been told that I could "step back". It's almost an EXPECTATION that we "stay at home" moms are going to do EVERYTHING at the school. Meanwhile, the working moms are "allowed" to send in store bought cupcakes. They're responsible for "plates and napkins". Are you kidding me? You know what I'm talking about, "working women". This is not a dig. Not in the slightest. It's just. . . .perspective.
Then, when I'm talking to my "working mom" friends, they tend to say things like "Well, at least you're not "really working"!' Excuse ME??? They, of course, see me as a stay at home mom still. They still expect my house to be perfect. Home cooked meals to just "POOF" into existence. I mean --- REALLY? My professional moms still treat me like an impostor. They still "pat me on my head" and say "Wow, I wish that I got to go home right now, too.".
So, here I sit. In limbo. Am I a working mom? Am I a stay at home mom? I suppose that it depends on who you talk to. . .thus, the person's PERSPECTIVE on things. To those single moms out there who've had to work a fully time job since the day their baby was born just to put food on the table, they'd probably say, "Uh, hell no. You are so NOT a working mom!" Can I ignore their perspective? Of course not. I would, however, as them this. . .if you COULD stay home with your child, would you? I mean, really think about it, ladies. Would you? I'm not talking about getting to spend some wonderful "quality time" with your kids; like on a vacation to say Disney World, or around the holiday table with Auntie Rose and Uncle Bob. I'm talking about, sitting at home. Day in and day out. Some weeks not speaking to another adult except for the checker at the grocery store. I'm talking about staring at the same four walls every single day and wondering how many more times you can scrub the same spot? I'm talking about losing yourself entirely to your family. Your house. No affirmations here. No one to give you a pat on the back. No one to tell you what a good job you're doing. Nothing. Just you and your child(ren) and your house. When the highlight of your week becomes running to Wal-Mart. . .how will that feel?
I've had a few of my "once" working moms become stay at home moms in the last few years. What they've all told me is this. . .."I had no idea how hard this was." Can I get a "Hallelujah!!!!"? You're damn right. It IS hard. It's a different kind of hard. But, hard nonetheless.
Now, here I sit. . ..with a day off. A day that seven months ago, would have been like every other damn day of my life, but now. . .now it takes on a different meaning. I have a different perspective on it. Now, I just don't want to leave my house. I want to "chill" inside. Sit on my sofa. Appreciate my four walls. Don't ask me to leave and run a damn errand. Don't ask me to do anything really. Why? Because I just want to scrub some spot on the wall. What? The? Fuck?? Are we really always going to want that grass that's just on the other side of the fence? I made the crucial mistake of saying, out loud, that I was bored. I've equated it with "praying for patience". We all know that you just DON'T DO THAT!! Well, hell. Don't say that you're bored either.
So I work. In the end, I do. I get up and drive across town, come hell or high water and I get a paycheck. I also get up and drive across town, come hell or high water, to help out a total stranger. For this, I do NOT get a paycheck. . .yet. (Fingers crossed here. . . .) I stand out in the rain with a stop sign to make sure that our kiddos can cross the street and get to school in one piece. I organize holiday parties for fifth graders. I clean a large house. I do the laundry of four people. . .well really more like 7. . .I have a teenage daughter. I bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. . .and never let you forget your a man. Oh. Wait. I got side tracked. I do that. I'm tired. Why? Because I'm a working stay at home mom. That's what I am. I'm both. It kinda sucks and it's kind of amazing. All at the same time. I'm getting to see the world from a new perspective.
Which one is better. . .a working mom or a stay at home mom? (Come on, that's what you wanna know, right? That's what it all comes down to in the end. After all, we're Americans. We need to "classify" everything, don't we??) Well, I would say that I have respect for all moms. It's hard. The whole damn thing. If you have to leave your sweet ones every single day and pray that someone else will love and keep them as well as you would, if you could. That's hard. Really hard. If you have to stay home each and every day and not feel "appreciated" or "valued". THAT'S hard. Really hard. So, I think what I want to get across here is this. . . .can we all stop competing and just start realizing that neither one is perfect. Neither one is "superior". Neither one has it "worse" or "better". It's all just your perspective.
Take a deep breath. . . . . . .it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment