I wonder what it's like to be you. I wonder what it's like to not worry about what people think. I wonder what it's like to be able to shut down that part of your brain that tells you you're doing it wrong. I wonder what it's like to live in peace; away from the loud voices on the tape that keeps playing in my head--telling me I'm not enough. I can't imagine how it must feel to be perfect -- everything to everyone you meet.
I wonder what happened to you that you're so cold and calloused. I try to pick through the perfectness of your life to find the thorn in your paw; surely no one would be so cruel for naught. I try to put myself into your shoes and see the world through your eyes; yet---I find that I can not. I can't imagine what your view must be, up on high, looking down at everyone else---far beneath you. I find it dizzying at best.
I wonder when karma will kick in. I've been told that "what goes around, comes around", yet, I've never experienced that, myself. I've watched you succeed against all probability and reason. I've watched you win by playing dirty. I've witnessed your darkest colors and noticed that the world sees only the brightest, most beautiful hues instead. I've fallen at your feet and begged you for mercy, only to find a silence so deeply profound that I was deafened by it.
I wonder when I will give up the fight. I pray each day that the right will find its way into the sunshine, no longer hidden in some deep dark cave---only to be disappointed again. Do I have unending strength and tenacity? When will I decide that enough is enough and force your hand? To be free from such an evil imprisonment frightens me --- I've lived there for so long now, I'm not sure that I would know what to do with my freedom, if presented with the keys. I wonder if I'll be able to walk free, among you and go unnoticed by the world, or will my pallor give me away. Ever more showing that I've lived in a shadow for far, far too long.
What would the air smell like? Is it sweet -- full of heady perfume, or is it just crisp and clean and free from all that is tainted and dirty of the world. I wonder what it's like to breathe it in ---- deeply, to own that air, to feel that you deserve to be breathing it, to feel unashamed, to feel free. I wonder what walking a little bit taller would feel like. I wonder how laying down this boulder will feel. Will I utter relief, immediately? Will it take some time for my muscles to adjust to their new role....just holding ME up, for a change. I need you to understand that in order to lift me up you don't need to tear yourself down, merely remove the boulder from your own back, too. The load has been heavy. Cumbersome. Exhausting. For both of us.
I truly do......wonder.......
I wonder what happened to you that you're so cold and calloused. I try to pick through the perfectness of your life to find the thorn in your paw; surely no one would be so cruel for naught. I try to put myself into your shoes and see the world through your eyes; yet---I find that I can not. I can't imagine what your view must be, up on high, looking down at everyone else---far beneath you. I find it dizzying at best.
I wonder when karma will kick in. I've been told that "what goes around, comes around", yet, I've never experienced that, myself. I've watched you succeed against all probability and reason. I've watched you win by playing dirty. I've witnessed your darkest colors and noticed that the world sees only the brightest, most beautiful hues instead. I've fallen at your feet and begged you for mercy, only to find a silence so deeply profound that I was deafened by it.
I wonder when I will give up the fight. I pray each day that the right will find its way into the sunshine, no longer hidden in some deep dark cave---only to be disappointed again. Do I have unending strength and tenacity? When will I decide that enough is enough and force your hand? To be free from such an evil imprisonment frightens me --- I've lived there for so long now, I'm not sure that I would know what to do with my freedom, if presented with the keys. I wonder if I'll be able to walk free, among you and go unnoticed by the world, or will my pallor give me away. Ever more showing that I've lived in a shadow for far, far too long.
What would the air smell like? Is it sweet -- full of heady perfume, or is it just crisp and clean and free from all that is tainted and dirty of the world. I wonder what it's like to breathe it in ---- deeply, to own that air, to feel that you deserve to be breathing it, to feel unashamed, to feel free. I wonder what walking a little bit taller would feel like. I wonder how laying down this boulder will feel. Will I utter relief, immediately? Will it take some time for my muscles to adjust to their new role....just holding ME up, for a change. I need you to understand that in order to lift me up you don't need to tear yourself down, merely remove the boulder from your own back, too. The load has been heavy. Cumbersome. Exhausting. For both of us.
I truly do......wonder.......
No comments:
Post a Comment