Dearest fragile woman---
Take heart! Life does get better!! I know that right now, you "think" that your life is "perfect" in many ways and a complete "tragedy" in others. Boy. . .are YOU WRONG!!! It is, of course, both perfect AND tragic, but not in the ways in which you're viewing it now. Know that there will come a time when a man will treat you with respect and allow you to be yourself, without judgement or abuse. I promise that you will, in fact, be able to have children and that those children will change you in ways you can't possibly imagine right now. I know that you think that you're not beautiful. I also know that, one day, you will look back on the way you look right now as your "peak". . .the best you've ever been. Relish is now!!! Realize how precious your really are! Look in that mirror every day and tell yourself how amazing you look. All too soon, time does take its toll and, hey--GRAVITY WORKS!
Stop. Settling. Right. Now. Push yourself. You're smarter than you want people to realize. I know that you sell yourself short. Don't. Be ALL that you can be. You don't want to look back one day say, 20 years from now and wonder. . ."Hmm. . .what if.. . . .??" I promise you that that question is going to haunt you. Play around with your thoughts and make you, basically, nuts. Fulfill your destiny. Live UP TO YOUR OWN STANDARDS!!
I know that you want to be loved, but don't allow others to treat you badly for the "promise" of it. When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time. People who love you don't stab you in the back (or the front, for that matter!). People who love you tell you the truth and are strong enough to accept YOUR truth, in return. There will be some people whom you're going to have to let go of, in order to find out who YOU are. That's okay. You'll make it through the storm. Allow yourself to learn from every relationship that you perceive as a "failure". I promise you, these are your greatest teachers! Don't wallow in the pain of the loss so long that you miss the lesson in it.
Your life hasn't been easy and I'm proud that you've chosen to not be a victim of it. However, you ARE ALLOWED to set boundaries. Please don't let people who've abused you in the past continue to wreak havoc on your life today. Cutting the "ties that bind" is a liberating experience. Please don't wait until you're in the thirties to do it! You'll never feel freer than you do once you let go of the idea that the past can be any different. Allow yourself to grieve to loss. Lick your wounds. Heal. Completely. Don't let anyone tell you that "telling YOUR story" isn't okay. Your past is PART of you. Not all of you, of course, but stop being ashamed of who you are, in order to make other people "feel more comfortable". If they can't deal with the reality that is YOUR life then, fuck them. You also need to know that you can't change people. Period. You can't MAKE people "do the right thing" or tell the truth when they're not ready. Allow them to "walk their path" without being on yours. It doesn't mean that they're lost. It's simply that they're taking a different road than you. Don't allow people to judge you or label you; using nothing but the "worst thing you've ever done" as a their "proof". That's their bullshit, not yours.
Forgive yourself. You have a good heart. You don't carry malice for anyone. Don't start. But, let go of the self loathing that you carry. It's a heavy load and eventually it will take you to a place so dark, you'll struggle to find your way out. You WILL find your way though ------ with scraped knees and a bloody nose, torn clothes and blurry eyes. . .but OUT you will be. The only way out, my dear sweet one, is through. Learning to love yourself will be the hardest thing you're ever going to do. Stick with it. It just might pay off one day!
You don't have parents. I mean. . .of COURSE you were brought into this world, but no. . .you don't have parents. You don't have people to lean on or talk to. You never have had that. Quit fighting for it. Release yourself from the hell that is the constant yearning for their affection. Embrace being an orphan. You'll be able to use this wound to help others later. I promise. The journey that the people who created you are on, just doesn't include you. That's okay. Peace will come. I know. Let go of those hopes and dreams now and save yourself a decade or two of heart ache.
You will be an amazing mother. Far from perfect, obviously. . .but, you'll be caring and a good listener. You're going to love your two beautiful girls with all that you are. Your entire life will be FOR them. About them. Be careful though; you tend to lose yourself in other people. You can get lost in them, too. There will come a day when they're gone. Then what? Prepare for that AHEAD OF TIME. Know that just because they're going to grow up, they're not going to leave your heart. You will NEVER treat them how you were treated. You will ALWAYS want them around. Even if they're 2000 miles away. You've done a good enough job to EARN their love and respect. After all, there's more to being a mother than being an egg donor. If there's ONE THING that you're going to be good at, in your life, it's loving your children. Take a moment, every now and again to remind yourself of that fact.
Perhaps, you'll listen to me and make a few "simple" changes to your life, whilst you still can. Perhaps, not. More likely than not. you'll read this and think. . ."Huh? Wonder what SHE wants from me?" Nothing. I simply want you to be easier on yourself. Appreciate yourself. Marvel at all that you have right now and KNOW all that is to come. Be patient with yourself and your loved ones. Everyone is doing the best that they can do. Forgiveness is FOR YOU. . .not "them". Just. . . . .be good to yourself. You really do matter.
With deep caring, kindness and love,
Me
Take heart! Life does get better!! I know that right now, you "think" that your life is "perfect" in many ways and a complete "tragedy" in others. Boy. . .are YOU WRONG!!! It is, of course, both perfect AND tragic, but not in the ways in which you're viewing it now. Know that there will come a time when a man will treat you with respect and allow you to be yourself, without judgement or abuse. I promise that you will, in fact, be able to have children and that those children will change you in ways you can't possibly imagine right now. I know that you think that you're not beautiful. I also know that, one day, you will look back on the way you look right now as your "peak". . .the best you've ever been. Relish is now!!! Realize how precious your really are! Look in that mirror every day and tell yourself how amazing you look. All too soon, time does take its toll and, hey--GRAVITY WORKS!
Stop. Settling. Right. Now. Push yourself. You're smarter than you want people to realize. I know that you sell yourself short. Don't. Be ALL that you can be. You don't want to look back one day say, 20 years from now and wonder. . ."Hmm. . .what if.. . . .??" I promise you that that question is going to haunt you. Play around with your thoughts and make you, basically, nuts. Fulfill your destiny. Live UP TO YOUR OWN STANDARDS!!
I know that you want to be loved, but don't allow others to treat you badly for the "promise" of it. When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time. People who love you don't stab you in the back (or the front, for that matter!). People who love you tell you the truth and are strong enough to accept YOUR truth, in return. There will be some people whom you're going to have to let go of, in order to find out who YOU are. That's okay. You'll make it through the storm. Allow yourself to learn from every relationship that you perceive as a "failure". I promise you, these are your greatest teachers! Don't wallow in the pain of the loss so long that you miss the lesson in it.
Your life hasn't been easy and I'm proud that you've chosen to not be a victim of it. However, you ARE ALLOWED to set boundaries. Please don't let people who've abused you in the past continue to wreak havoc on your life today. Cutting the "ties that bind" is a liberating experience. Please don't wait until you're in the thirties to do it! You'll never feel freer than you do once you let go of the idea that the past can be any different. Allow yourself to grieve to loss. Lick your wounds. Heal. Completely. Don't let anyone tell you that "telling YOUR story" isn't okay. Your past is PART of you. Not all of you, of course, but stop being ashamed of who you are, in order to make other people "feel more comfortable". If they can't deal with the reality that is YOUR life then, fuck them. You also need to know that you can't change people. Period. You can't MAKE people "do the right thing" or tell the truth when they're not ready. Allow them to "walk their path" without being on yours. It doesn't mean that they're lost. It's simply that they're taking a different road than you. Don't allow people to judge you or label you; using nothing but the "worst thing you've ever done" as a their "proof". That's their bullshit, not yours.
Forgive yourself. You have a good heart. You don't carry malice for anyone. Don't start. But, let go of the self loathing that you carry. It's a heavy load and eventually it will take you to a place so dark, you'll struggle to find your way out. You WILL find your way though ------ with scraped knees and a bloody nose, torn clothes and blurry eyes. . .but OUT you will be. The only way out, my dear sweet one, is through. Learning to love yourself will be the hardest thing you're ever going to do. Stick with it. It just might pay off one day!
You don't have parents. I mean. . .of COURSE you were brought into this world, but no. . .you don't have parents. You don't have people to lean on or talk to. You never have had that. Quit fighting for it. Release yourself from the hell that is the constant yearning for their affection. Embrace being an orphan. You'll be able to use this wound to help others later. I promise. The journey that the people who created you are on, just doesn't include you. That's okay. Peace will come. I know. Let go of those hopes and dreams now and save yourself a decade or two of heart ache.
You will be an amazing mother. Far from perfect, obviously. . .but, you'll be caring and a good listener. You're going to love your two beautiful girls with all that you are. Your entire life will be FOR them. About them. Be careful though; you tend to lose yourself in other people. You can get lost in them, too. There will come a day when they're gone. Then what? Prepare for that AHEAD OF TIME. Know that just because they're going to grow up, they're not going to leave your heart. You will NEVER treat them how you were treated. You will ALWAYS want them around. Even if they're 2000 miles away. You've done a good enough job to EARN their love and respect. After all, there's more to being a mother than being an egg donor. If there's ONE THING that you're going to be good at, in your life, it's loving your children. Take a moment, every now and again to remind yourself of that fact.
Perhaps, you'll listen to me and make a few "simple" changes to your life, whilst you still can. Perhaps, not. More likely than not. you'll read this and think. . ."Huh? Wonder what SHE wants from me?" Nothing. I simply want you to be easier on yourself. Appreciate yourself. Marvel at all that you have right now and KNOW all that is to come. Be patient with yourself and your loved ones. Everyone is doing the best that they can do. Forgiveness is FOR YOU. . .not "them". Just. . . . .be good to yourself. You really do matter.
With deep caring, kindness and love,
Me
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