I was having a conversation with a friend of mine last week. Yes. A "real life" conversation. Not a text or IM, but a real life, face to face conversation. Shocking. I know. Possibly MORE shocking, is the fact that she is NOT a Facebooker. Yes, there are a few hold outs in the world. Mainly, in Africa, but, clearly, there are even some crazy people who don't see the "benefit" of social networking, here -- in America! After I got over my initial shock, I asked her "why"? Why did she CHOOSE to not be a part of something so "convenient, fun, wide spread and addictive"? Her answer actually made a whole lot of sense to me. Perhaps, TOO much sense, even.
She told me that she had "gone on" with a friend of hers who DOES FB, and they were "looking around" and she noticed how everyone's "profile" showed things like "I went to Harvard AND Yale and I'm the President of some huge Fortune 500 company, married to a super model with 2.5 children and a McMansion." Also, included was some glamor shot photo to show how "high school skinny" they still were. All of course, with "BIG SMILES" and lots of travel photos to impress you with how many vacations they take every year. There wasn't ONE REAL thing on it. Hmmmmm. Interesting. Is she right?
Possibly. I have noticed that most people only like to post "perfect" status updates and happy go lucky quotes that will inspire others to be better, happier people. I'm in NO WAY saying that that's a bad thing. Being uplifting and inspiring is a good thing. at its core. What I don't like is the fakeness. (Made up word alert!) I don't like that when someone IS real, people commit friend homicide--- they UNFRIEND you!!! Painful. Scary and, sometimes even --- confusing??!! Using social media as a weapon. Who knew? I hate that when I've posted things that WEREN'T full of roses and sunshine and was honest about painful periods of my life, I was, well. . . .shall we say . . . ."let go"? Wow. What message does that send to our children? Don't be real. Don't like people who are real. Life will always be perfect and if it's not, well, then FAKE THAT SHIT!! WHAT??? Really? We seem to be all about not "bullying" right now. We've finally figured out that name calling, emotional blackmail and out right emotional abuse are bad things! Woo fucking hoo! We seem to know all of that when it applies to thirteen year olds and kids on the playground. Yet, we can't seem to apply it to ourselves.
I've been told, and I quote - "Facebook was the death of you." In reference to the way that someone's spouse felt about me. Hm? Really? Gee, let me see. . .I was having an EXTREMELY hard time in my life and I made a conscious choice to NOT pretend it away. Maybe even to reach out a bit and hope that someone could inspire or up lift me. What did I get? Nada. I got told that I was "complaining too much" and "what did I want, SYMPATHY?" Well. MayBE. Maybe I deserved some fucking sympathy. Some compassion. Some love. Nope. Instead, I got "unfriended" and talked about behind my back. I got made fun of. I got ridiculed. . .by my "friends". What does that sound like? You got it --- BULLYING.
So, what did I do in response? Made another choice ----- to be fake. To only post "happy go lucky" news. To stop being real. To stop expressing when life had bitten me in the ass. To stop looking for the love and acceptance of my Facebook family. I learned that that list of "friends" that I have is total and complete bullshit. They're not your friends. They're the voyeurs to your life. They want you to see how well they're doing and knock you down every chance they get. Facebook is their PR representative. It's their way to "spin" their life into something that it's not. I say "they" and I suppose what I should be saying is "WE".
So, here I am, no better than anyone else on fucking Facebook. Faking my way through each day. Contemplating every single status update and trying to figure out how it will be perceived. I'm still "wrong" as much as I'm right, though. I'm not sure that being fake suits me. I start controversial posts --- unintentionally. I piss people off with my belief system. Some people have chosen to only reply to my posts when they can lash out and hurt me. Whatever. I mean, it's all fake anyway ---- right? How can I let what anyone says on Fakebook hurt? We all know that it's MUCH easier to "type" something shitty to someone than it is to actually SAY it to their faces. Gee, I'm so glad that we've finally found a new way to hurt each other.
So, in the end, I suppose that my non-Facebooking friend is lucky. She'll never be unfriended. She'll never have to worry that her latest status update will start an emotional "war" between her and her "friends". She'll never have to feel fake and therefore, disappointed in herself. Maybe NOT drinking this purple Kool-Aid would be better. Better, for ALL of us. Or maybe, just maybe, we should all take a deep breath, sit back and realize that it's just a way to "peek inside" other people's lives. Lives are dirty. Things go wrong. There are good days and bad days. Really think about what you're typing to ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, before you hit the "enter" button. Maybe, we should ALL be more real. Maybe, we should all live and let live. Perhaps, being imperfect, compassionate and open minded would, in fact, teach our children MORE than being judgmental, hypocritical and cruel.
Take a deep breath. . . .it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
She told me that she had "gone on" with a friend of hers who DOES FB, and they were "looking around" and she noticed how everyone's "profile" showed things like "I went to Harvard AND Yale and I'm the President of some huge Fortune 500 company, married to a super model with 2.5 children and a McMansion." Also, included was some glamor shot photo to show how "high school skinny" they still were. All of course, with "BIG SMILES" and lots of travel photos to impress you with how many vacations they take every year. There wasn't ONE REAL thing on it. Hmmmmm. Interesting. Is she right?
Possibly. I have noticed that most people only like to post "perfect" status updates and happy go lucky quotes that will inspire others to be better, happier people. I'm in NO WAY saying that that's a bad thing. Being uplifting and inspiring is a good thing. at its core. What I don't like is the fakeness. (Made up word alert!) I don't like that when someone IS real, people commit friend homicide--- they UNFRIEND you!!! Painful. Scary and, sometimes even --- confusing??!! Using social media as a weapon. Who knew? I hate that when I've posted things that WEREN'T full of roses and sunshine and was honest about painful periods of my life, I was, well. . . .shall we say . . . ."let go"? Wow. What message does that send to our children? Don't be real. Don't like people who are real. Life will always be perfect and if it's not, well, then FAKE THAT SHIT!! WHAT??? Really? We seem to be all about not "bullying" right now. We've finally figured out that name calling, emotional blackmail and out right emotional abuse are bad things! Woo fucking hoo! We seem to know all of that when it applies to thirteen year olds and kids on the playground. Yet, we can't seem to apply it to ourselves.
I've been told, and I quote - "Facebook was the death of you." In reference to the way that someone's spouse felt about me. Hm? Really? Gee, let me see. . .I was having an EXTREMELY hard time in my life and I made a conscious choice to NOT pretend it away. Maybe even to reach out a bit and hope that someone could inspire or up lift me. What did I get? Nada. I got told that I was "complaining too much" and "what did I want, SYMPATHY?" Well. MayBE. Maybe I deserved some fucking sympathy. Some compassion. Some love. Nope. Instead, I got "unfriended" and talked about behind my back. I got made fun of. I got ridiculed. . .by my "friends". What does that sound like? You got it --- BULLYING.
So, what did I do in response? Made another choice ----- to be fake. To only post "happy go lucky" news. To stop being real. To stop expressing when life had bitten me in the ass. To stop looking for the love and acceptance of my Facebook family. I learned that that list of "friends" that I have is total and complete bullshit. They're not your friends. They're the voyeurs to your life. They want you to see how well they're doing and knock you down every chance they get. Facebook is their PR representative. It's their way to "spin" their life into something that it's not. I say "they" and I suppose what I should be saying is "WE".
So, here I am, no better than anyone else on fucking Facebook. Faking my way through each day. Contemplating every single status update and trying to figure out how it will be perceived. I'm still "wrong" as much as I'm right, though. I'm not sure that being fake suits me. I start controversial posts --- unintentionally. I piss people off with my belief system. Some people have chosen to only reply to my posts when they can lash out and hurt me. Whatever. I mean, it's all fake anyway ---- right? How can I let what anyone says on Fakebook hurt? We all know that it's MUCH easier to "type" something shitty to someone than it is to actually SAY it to their faces. Gee, I'm so glad that we've finally found a new way to hurt each other.
So, in the end, I suppose that my non-Facebooking friend is lucky. She'll never be unfriended. She'll never have to worry that her latest status update will start an emotional "war" between her and her "friends". She'll never have to feel fake and therefore, disappointed in herself. Maybe NOT drinking this purple Kool-Aid would be better. Better, for ALL of us. Or maybe, just maybe, we should all take a deep breath, sit back and realize that it's just a way to "peek inside" other people's lives. Lives are dirty. Things go wrong. There are good days and bad days. Really think about what you're typing to ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, before you hit the "enter" button. Maybe, we should ALL be more real. Maybe, we should all live and let live. Perhaps, being imperfect, compassionate and open minded would, in fact, teach our children MORE than being judgmental, hypocritical and cruel.
Take a deep breath. . . .it's just another day in Perfect!!!!!
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