Consequences

I've had occasion to really consider the consequences of peoples actions lately.  Of course, I've made a few observations about that.  I know, I know, you're shocked!  I've noticed that people rarely, if ever, want to admit that their behavior has effected someone else.  Folks just don't seem to understand that we are social creatures.  We NEED interaction and therefore, that interaction plays an integral part in shaping who we each are.

For example, we've all heard the stories from people who were about to go home and end their lives and then, as if by magic, a stranger smiles at them and says "hello" or holds the door for them or just plain SEES them.  Like magic, this changes the persons perspective on life, others and maybe even themselves.  It's THAT important.  It's crucial that we see this interaction at work.  It's of vital importance that we each acknowledge that what we do to each other matters.  Because it does.  Whether you want to admit it or not, doesn't matter.  You don't have to believe in something for it to be true.

I've had to admit to myself that I've become made jaded and bitter; closed off it you will.  There is almost always a catalyst for why people become this way.  In my case, I would say that it was having it reinforced to me over and over again that 1) I'm not good enough the way I am and 2) people will walk all over me and hurt me, if I remain un-jaded and open.   Now, can I say that my subsequent behavior is someone else's fault?  Of course not.  You're in control of yourself at all times.  However, I will say that we, as humans, do become conditioned to certain reactions.  I'm at the point where I've been conditioned to believe that if I'm just my genuine self, I will be hurt, ridiculed, and abandoned.   It doesn't take much to push a person over the edge.  To make them rethink everything about themselves.  For me, it took abusive parents and ex-husband, a poor choice in friends and infidelity to get me to this point.  Throw in some people dying that I dearly love and voila......closed off!!!

Now, if just one of these events hadn't taken place would I be a different person?  Possibly.  Would I be better?  Impossible to know.   In that vein, I'd like to examine what I've done that has effected people.  I know that I've hurt people's feelings in the past.  For that I am deeply sorrowful.  I know that I've disappointed people.  Tragic.  I know that I've let people down.  Even when they needed my most.  I apologize.  I've lied to people to save my own ass.  (Not often, but, it has happened.)  I'm ashamed of myself.  I've cheated on people.  A shame I will never recover from.  I'm sure that somewhere along the way I was mean or cruel or just plain ignored someone in need.  Words can not express my feelings for you!  I've also been a shoulder to cry on.  A warm, soft place to land, in a moment of crisis.  I've held out my hand to someone who needed it and my hand has been taken and relied upon for support.  A gift unto me as well.  I've listened when an ear was all that was required.  I've given advise when it was asked for.  I smile at strangers.  You just never know when YOU'LL be the one to save a life!!  I talk to just about everyone; yes, even the cashier at the grocery store.  (Much to my girls chagrin.)  I've partied with my friends in celebration of births, weddings, divorces, birthdays, holidays, and yes, even funerals.  I've danced to Prince even when people laughed at me.  Because, well, I like to.  I've made friends and I've made enemies.  I suppose I'm just trying to be more in tune with what I do and what I say and how I can help, hurt and heal those around me.

I'm not proud of my less than stellar moments of interaction with my sisterhood of human kind (okay, AND with my brothers, too.).  I am trying.  I am striving to be less harmful, less toxic, less thoughtless to those with whom I share this little piece of the Earth.   I'm not perfect.  This, like anything else, is a journey, not a destination.  All I ask of you is this, really truly examine your life.  Look back over it and try to see the moments that you might have really impacted someone.  Whether for their benefit or to their detriment.  Sometimes, an apology goes a long way.  It CAN heal people.  It does change people.  Although, the unfortunate truth is this; sometimes, the closure you seek isn't always the closer you get.  People will react in strange and surprising ways, most of the time.  Be prepared for anything and expect nothing.  I beg of you though..........don't just sit back and watch your "consequences" walk by and not say anything.  Don't let that person suffer.  Be accountable for what part you might have played in this game we call life!

Take a deep breath..........it's just another day in Perfect!!!