He Says.....(POEM)

You're my Snicklefritz  

He says

Playing with me, loving me, being my one, only true friend

My protector; he keeps me whole and safe and warm 

through the storm of uncertainty, he's eternal

and then gone.

Trust me
He says
As he violates my trust
Splintering a child's mind, body, spirit into a million shards of ice
scattered on the ground
never to be collected
put together no more.

I love you
He says
After he hits me again
Beating me into submission one more time
He prays that I don't die this time
I'm always hoping that I do
suffocating me
breathing life back into me
seems both strange and yet mundane--expected.

I honor you
He says
As we stand and take the vows.
To protect and keep me, love me,
whether I'm ill or well
I'm afraid to believe him
fear ravages my soul, unclear, muddled, lost, undefined.

I'm here for you
He says
And I turn away, unable to believe it.
Too broken to find solace in the word, the book, the belief.
I'm saddened, shattered, beaten, suffocated, untrusting and thus alone.

I'm still waiting
He says
I'm hoping that he's patient
Picking up my broken pieces
a slow painful process I must do alone,
sometimes the ice cuts me, sometimes it's just too cold

You are not alone
He says
I wake up and realize that that's what I've been waiting to hear,
all my life,
and cry,
because I know
it was just a dream

Go back to sleep
He says
I lie down
and for once,
I listen.