So, we all just celebrated Thanksgiving here in America. Great. Wonderful. Fun. Well, it IS all of those things if you're a man!! I'm just wondering why it is that every holiday is MY responsibility? Where, exactly is it written that men don't have to do anything on a holiday but sit around and watch sports on TV and eat and sleep? Huh? I want to see this "law" and petition the government for an amendment!
Let's really think about it for a minute or two, shall we? I get to clean the house from top to bottom to make sure that the "back drop" for our holiday is as pleasant as possible. I get to plan all of the food. I get to shop for all the food. I get to prepare all the food. I get to serve all the food. I get to clean up all the dishes, counters, stove top, oven, microwave, floor, tables and hand wash all the breakable china and crystal. Oh joy. I then get to serve all the desserts that I got to prepare the day BEFORE the holiday because they take so damn long to cook. From scratch, of course. Then, what do I get to do? Oh well, then I get to do all THOSE damn dishes, that's what I get to do. And what may I ask are the men doing during all this? Hm? Why, they're sitting on their asses watching football and bitching because their team sucks. Who's team? Last time I checked we don't get paid a dime from "your team"! I might not bitch quite so much IF we actually HAD A TEAM. You know....something that brought something INTO my home (like, say a few million dollars), instead of taking something AWAY from it (like, say your attention on this special day)?
Now, don't get me wrong, I like to hostess 'events'. My husband will tell you that I like to "feed the world". 'Tis true. I do love to have folks over and eat, drink and be merry. Don't confuse THAT with "loving being the sole provider of all that is wonderful and special in our home". Don't confuse that with my not wanting (even needing) some help. I would really like it, if I didn't have to TELL someone that the trash smells like, well, trash and it ruining the whole "ambiance" that I've worked my ass off for, for the last week! I mean....can't you smell it?
I like the idea that some day my girls will call me and ask me for my super secret brownie recipe or ask me just how, exactly, I always made sure that our turkey was juicy and delicious. I like that I have my timing down perfectly and that everything is served hot and at the same time. I truly am, magical. (And modest.) However, I equally like the idea of, AFTER dinner, someone serving ME the dessert that I already got to make. I also LOVE the idea of, for the day or two AFTER a holiday....someone else making me a cup of coffee, bringing me a piece of toast, helping to make ME feel special and appreciated. Didn't I just complete the Super Bowl of meals, and quite successfully, I might add? Where's my credit people? Where's my "Hey, Mom you just won the Thanksgiving Cooking Bowl. Where are you headed now?" and don't I get to say "The sofa, baby!" Um. No. Apparently, my extraordinary efforts are NOT seen that way.
Then, to add insult to injury, I am then expected to go to bed for merely a few hours and then, quietly awaken at two frickin' a.m. and hop into the shower and run my ass all over town buying gifts for said ungrateful family. I get to freeze to death and then take what little life I have left into my own hands by trying to get the last copy of Toy Story 3 on Blu-Ray in the store . Yeah, bitch, I got it first! RUN!! And what's all this about....oh yeah....the NEXT holiday that I get to do everything for!
This kicks off the wonderful Christmas time RUSH!! You know that magical time of the year in which you try to purchase stuff that everybody else wants and that you really can't afford anyway. That wonderfully special time when you're so overwhelmed and overtired and overstressed that you just want to sleep all the time, but, can't because as soon as you lie down your head starting running through all the stuff that you DIDN'T get accomplished today and HAVE TO do tomorrow. Precious. The most special time when no matter how hard you try, your kids are pissed off at the ONE thing that they didn't get from their mile long list and your husband wants to kill you because you spent how much? Bliss. Then, you have to add on the fact that even though you're desperately trying to NOT gain 20 lbs. this year, you can't stop eating because you have about seven holiday parties go to, over a 2 weekend period. And let's face it....you don't want to offend anyone by NOT eating, right? So, THAT'S fun and not depressing at all. Let's not forget that ONE of those holiday parties is probably yours, so there again we're back to all the things that you get to do in preparation for that!
And again, where's your family when you need someone to help you bring in the 25 bags of groceries that you just bought to feed the army you've invited over to "celebrate the season"? On the sofa. Watching a movie and watching you cram your ass through the door carrying no less than 13 bags at once. Brilliant. Then you get to check the bank balance and try to figure out just exactly how you're going to buy food for the OTHER 30 days this month?!? Relaxing.
Like I said, I just want to know where all this stuff is written down. I want to know why we do this to ourselves? I want to know why the men who say that they love us can't see that we're literally coming apart at the seams? Why can't the whole family realize that I'm such a crazy bitch right now BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED FROM TRYING TO MAKE THIS A WARM, FUZZY, WONDERFUL MEMORY FOR YOU......YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE!! (YES, I'M YELLING. Oh wait...no, I'm not yelling now.) But, then again..........I suppose that if I just didn't do it, it just wouldn't get done. Hm? Interesting. Compelling even. However, I've seen how well the whole "just don't do it" has worked in the past. When I couldn't scrub the base of my husband's shower due to a surgery that I had had, it got cleaned twice. Twice in three months. Yes. You read that right. And yes, I fully expect that you just threw up a little in your mouth. Clearly, I can NOT just NOT do it. (Heavy sigh.)
I suppose that I just have to realize that I'm the one who makes things nice around here. I'm the one who really cares that the holidays are special. I'm the one who WANTS to make things nice and memorable and important. I suppose that if I were really being honest about WHO wrote it down somewhere that I had to do EVERYTHING, it would be my signature at the bottom. I do it to myself. I bring it on myself. And you know what? I'll do the exact same thing next year and every year thereafter!! (But, don't expect me to not bitch about it, some.)
Take a deep breath........it's just another day in Perfect!!!
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