I had an interesting revelation tonight. Interesting and, well, shocking. First of all, as a writer you write things hoping that people with actually read them. Obviously. Then, when you find out that people ARE reading what you've written, you're shocked. Ironic.
Truth be told, when I started this blog, it was a selfish endeavor. I had 'things to say' and no real voice to say them. I wanted to get some things off of my chest, as it were. I also, wanted to stretch myself creatively. I wanted to see if I could even do it. My intentions were simple ones. Share. Write. Vent. Challenge my readers to find themselves in my words. I wanted people to think about the way in which they treat each other and themselves. I wanted people to know the ways in which I've been treated and the way in which I treat myself. Simple enough. Or so I thought.
The reality is this. Now, people are afraid to talk to me for "fear" of being put "in the blog". This, I've come to see, is a real legitimate fear. I wouldn't want someone writing about me, in a negative way, either. Funny as it might sound. This, simple fact NEVER OCCURRED to me. I never thought that people would be afraid to be themselves around me for fear of how I might interpret their actions and therefore make them appear to other people.
So, now what? What do I do? Do I change the nature of my blog? Not likely. Quite honestly, I've wanted to write a book for a long time and I've known that it could never be fiction. Well, not "true" fiction. My writing is ALWAYS based on my real life experiences. Call it lack of imagination, but, I just think that real life is usually more fantastic than fiction. Do I just stop writing it at all? Hm. Interesting idea. However, I find that I'm still in need of the things that I was in need of in the first place. Sharing. Writing. Venting and challenging people. So, now I find myself in a real dilemma.
How do be true to myself and not drive a wedge between me and the people that I know and love? I suppose I'm doing the best that I can by not naming names and by not playing the blame game. I try, in my posts, to show both sides of coin. To show that it's not necessarily the road most traveled that's the safest or best bet. That, sometimes, the road I took, was bumpy and unpaved, but, scenic, at a minimum. My ideas are always just that; my opinions. My "take" on things. My true, real feelings about events that have happened TO ME. I try to show you how they made me feel and what part I played in the events. I try, and hope that I succeed, even some of the time, to show my authentic self. To be transparent. Genuine. Painfully so. I try to admit my short comings and weaknesses. Make myself so vulnerable to the reader. So much so, that they feel what I felt. Honestly, even if you flat ass disagree with me--that's amazing, because you felt something and I helped draw it out of you. Mission accomplished.
So, I suppose what I'm getting at is this......don't be afraid of "ending up in my blog". I will try to always treat everyone with respect and honesty. That's all I have to give. My honest opinion on an event that happened. No more. No less. Sometimes, it'll be funny. Sometimes, I might hit a nerve that's so close to your heart, it evokes a strong emotion. I pray that sometimes, it makes you cry with laughter, or joy, or empathy and, hell, I'll even take anger. Just know, that I will NEVER call anyone out. I will NEVER name names. I will NEVER disrespect my life in that way. The sad truth is, life is dirty. Life is hard. Life is beautiful. It's boring. It's eventful. It's painful. It's interesting, to say the least......
Oh hell........take a deep breath......it's just another day in Perfect.
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