Well, it's here. Today is the day. From the outside, to your average observer, I'm sure it looks like any other day of the year. It's a unseasonably warm autumn day. The air is crisp and full of excitement. Children everywhere are eager to set out and get treats and do some tricks. Yes, today is Halloween!
Halloween has always been warm and sweet for me. I have fond memories of parties with my Aunt Linda and Uncle Eddie. They always did wonderful things for children; theirs and their adopted ones (like me), with no favoritism or biased. We bobbed for apples. I was never successful at this task and truthfully dreaded it every year, but, it always meant that the pinata was coming next. I endured it. We were then unleashed on the poor paper mache' animal. We'd beat the bloody hell out of it, excited to be the one who'd crack it open. It always held delicious sweets and goodies. I remember the smell of the fall leaves as they blew across the front lawn while we'd eat the sweets that we'd worked so hard to get. I can see the stars as they twinkled over our heads. I was too young to really appreciate what an amazing time this was. How innocent and simple. I remember the awesome costumes that their family had. Always better than my store bought one, because they're Mom had made theirs with love. I remember feeling cheated some how because my costume was mere plastic, whilst theirs felt whole somehow. More complete. More real.
Now, I'm the mom who can't sew a stitch. I have to look around at my children's friends and notice the ones who's mom's really can sew. I see their sweet costumes and it takes me right back to Corpus Christi, TX, 1978. I pray that my children don't feel unloved due to my lack of seamstress skills. Thankfully, I have a sister whom CAN sew. She's made several costumes for my children and for that I am eternally grateful.
Today is Halloween and it's the beginning of new traditions for us. This past year has been a year of change for me and one of those changes is with whom I'm spending my time. I've lost some friends and made some new ones, too. I was invited to, and attended a wonderful party at a "new friends" house. New. Yet, I've spent this day, Halloween, with a certain friend for a decade. We've shared our traditions with each others families for ten long years. Meaningful. We will not be sharing today with them. I won't see her children's costumes. Oh, I'll probably see some photos on Facebook. Hollow. We won't try hard to remember who walked with the kids last year....the men or the women? We won't be pouring a dozen glasses of Bailey's and hot cocoa. We won't be dishing out bowl after bowl of chicken noodle soup. No....this year, I'm making the soup alone. I'm drinking the hot cocoa and Bailey's with my husband. I'm handing out candy at my house. For the first time in a decade. I'm excited to see the little trick or treaters. Happy to be there for them and their family traditions.
I will also be letting go. It's with a deep breath and much prayer that I send my children out to trick or treat in the neighborhood alone, for the first time. Double gulp. My eldest is quite old enough to walk around and ring a few bells and collect some candy, yet..........I feel cheated somehow. How did this happen? How did she grow up so fast? How is it that she wants to be with her friends more than she wants to be with me? When did she stop needing me? When did that tradition see it's last sunrise? How did I miss it? Was I looking in the wrong direction? Clearly. Was I so busy fretting over who's who and what's what and trying to detoxify my life, that I missed it entirely? Perhaps.
Is it also possible that somewhere along the way I learned how to be a better mother? Gasp! Have I finally figured out that the best part of MY Halloween memories were the ones that I spent with my friends!! I can't honestly remember my mom even being with me on a Halloween. Not one. But, I can remember my friends. I remember the fun, the fancy, the fantasy of it all. Magical. So, today is the day. I'm content with my lot. I'm proud of my children. I'm happy with my self. I'm thrilled with my marriage. I have good, honest, considerate, loving friends. If today is my new beginning then, so be it. I'm ready.
Take a deep breath.......it's just another day in Perfect!!!
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